Page 104 of Glad You Exist

“Listen to me, El. We’re going to hurt each other sometimes. We’re not always going to agree with each other and that’s okay. We’re together now, in every single way. Heart, body, and soul; I’m yours and you’re mine. Whatever happens, I want you to understand that. Live by that. Like I do. Don’t be afraid to hurt me.” I take one of her hands and place it on my heart, “Hurt me if you need to. If that’s the only way you can get through to me. Do it. Piss me off. But I promise you that I am not going anywhere. Ever. Not until you tell me you don’t want me anymore. Until then? I. Am. Yours.”

She closes her eyes as I kiss her punctuating those last three words and when her eyes flutter open, I know. I know without her having to tell me that she loves me just as much as I love her. That she’s mine just as much as I am hers.

I lean back in to kiss her again when her hands come up to palm my cheeks.

She rests her forehead on mine, keeping her eyes trained on me.

“I’ve had a really shitty year, Brad…but when I’m with you, everything else fades. All of that darkness…all that I’ve been through goes away and I see nothing but you…nothing but lightness with you.”

Thenshekissesme. And we lose ourselves in each other once again.

* * *

Four Months later.

I parkmy car in her driveway, pulling the brake with a little more force than is necessary.

I’m irritated but I try to remind myself that Liz isn’t ignoring me. Maybe she was just busy or sleeping. The most likely reason is she forgot to charge her phone.

Again.

Fuck.I need to calm down. I clutch the steering wheel and will myself to calm down.

Everything was going great after her birthday; we spent every free moment we had together or with Kim and Kyle. Then last month, everything changed. My dad was still having issues with the upcoming launch, and he recruited me to help him out with it. For the last month, I have been flying out to San Francisco every weekend then back for school.

Liz and I have barely hung out. Sometimes we would facetime at night before one of us fell asleep. We saw each other at school but Liz was always busy studying, and she went back to tutoring. Now with Aunt Cat’s last book releasing in the summer, she’s busy working on that too.

I miss my girlfriend. I miss my best friend.

We planned on spending today together to celebrate that we’ve been together for six months. It was supposed to be last night, but she had to bail last minute. Her dad had asked her and Dan to dinner, which she’d forgotten about. I tried to call her when she said she would be home but got no response. We were supposed to meet at my place and drive downtown to take the ferry out and explore for the day. That was three hours ago.

It is past two now and still nothing.

I am getting frustrated. Regardless of how busy I’ve been, I’ve done my absolute best to make sure she knows she is still a priority in my life. Made sure every free second, I had was devoted to her so she wouldn’t question her importance in my life, but now I starting to question mine in hers.

My absence in her life hasn’t seemed to affect her as much as hers has me.

I can't help but focus on the fact that six months later, she still hasn’t even told me she loves me out loud.

Butdamnif this is proving to be harder than I thought it would be. This waiting game.

I pull my keys out and get out of the car.

My car locks automatically and Liz had given me a key to her house. I let myself in.

I kick off my shoes by the front door then head straight up to her room and knock.

"El?"

Nothing.

Sweat prickles the back of my neck and now worry is starting to overtake my frustration.

I turn the knob and push the door open. Her room is pitch dark but the light from the open door illuminates the room. I hear her soft groan coming from under her covers.

I leave the door open as I cross the room to her. She lays buried under her covers, with her laptop sitting open next to her. There are books and pads all over her bed like she’s burned the midnight oil, studying and reading.

I move her stuff to her desk and climb in next to her.

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