Page 58 of The Black Wolf's Captive

Ailsa looked away. ‘Oh Duncan,’ she gasped.

‘I have had time to come to my senses Ailsa, though I should kill that idiot for his impertinence.’

‘Please don’t. Hamish is conceited and foolish enough to think his pretty face means all the women in the Highlands are madly in love with him but he is not malicious, impertinent yes, but not malicious. In truth, he is still a boy and he won’t be back from Edinburgh any time soon, not until they have made a man of him.’

‘Which might take quite some time,’ said Duncan sarcastically.

‘You won’t kill him will you?’

‘No though I may thrash him to within an inch of his life should I ever set eyes on him again. I can forgive his desire for you a lot more easily now I realise it is not returned. In truth, I did find it hard to believe.’

‘And yet you did believe it. Why Duncan? Why did you not trust me?’

‘Because I do not believe you could truly want me. I am not easy to live with, I know that. I have tried to overcome the weight of circumstance pulling us down but since you ran away I now realise that it is futile. You are a strong person Ailsa, proud and loyal beyond anything, can you ever really love the man who has taken all from you, exiled your brother and forced you into his bed, a man who has blood on his hands. I fooled myself into thinking you could but I will fool myself no longer.’

At these words, Ailsa looked away and started to cry, slow silent tears that dripped down her face and onto her clenched hands. The dank room seemed to close in on her. Her life seemed to close in on her. She looked up at his now stricken face.

‘There should only be truth between us now,’ he said gently.

‘Very well.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Duncan I have hated you and for some time I have had to force myself to be your wife.’ He flinched and Ailsa hated herself for her cruelty. ‘From the moment you marched into Cailleach pronouncing yourself laird I hated you and wanted you gone. When you forced me into marriage I hated you more.’

Duncan gasped and with an anguished look on his face, he turned away from her.

‘I agreed to it for the sake of my brother and my clan. I wanted to reclaim my freedom, so I forced myself to play the tame wife so that you would not see my loathing for you.’

‘And when we lay together?’ he said scraping his hair off his face, ‘did you ever mean it when you clung to me and told me you wanted me or did you have to choke back your revulsion? Did you have to grit your teeth as I entered you? If that was the case you played your part well for I thought you wanted me as much as I have always wanted you, as I still want you. I really am the gullible fool,’ he said, desolation clouding his eyes.

‘You are wrong Duncan. I began by hating you but that changed. I saw how you were with my people and with your men. I saw your kindness, no matter how hard you try to hide it. I saw you treat men honourably, putting the good of the clan first. I started to care for you and I began to think you may have married me for something beyond power and wealth. I put faith in you in spite of all that stood between us.’

Duncan strode over to the window, looking out over the fields with his back to her. His arm unconsciously rested on his sword hilt as if he could fight off his demons here in this room.

‘As for lying with you,’ Ailsa said softly ‘it is all I want and all I can think about since our wedding night and for that…for a long time, I have hated myself.’ She looked at his back. He had tensed at her words and was like a statue.

‘Then why did you leave me?’

‘It was so hard to leave you but your indifference to me was unbearable. I knew you would stay with me even if you found me distasteful, out of a sense of duty, a sense of honour and I didn’t want that. How could I want a life like that when I care for you and want you so badly? I cannot deny it no matter how hard I try. Have you not seen that? Do you really think I was playing my part that well?’

Duncan did not move.

‘Please say something, Duncan. Please look at me.’ Her words were choking her. ‘It costs me something in pride to say this but I do want you. I need you, Duncan.’ Still, he said nothing. ‘Duncan, I love you, ’ she sobbed. ‘I really do love you.’

He rushed over and took her into his arms, clutching her violently to him and letting her cry, great, tearing sobs. ‘Hush now, it’s alright. All will be well now,’ he said, stroking her hair.

‘Do you really love me?’ he asked as if not quite believing his good fortune.

‘Of course I do,’ she cried.

‘Then we will never be parted again.’

When her river of tears had run itself dry and she had quietened in his arms, Duncan lay down on the bed beside her. He gently stroked her hair off her face, looking hungrily into her eyes. He could not get enough of staring at her as relief that she was beside him once more flooded through him. Ailsa gently pushed her hands into his hair and drew his face to hers. Her kiss was soft and slow and he savoured it as never before. There was a tight feeling in his chest and when he finally broke away she was smiling excitedly.

She took a deep breath. ‘Duncan there is something else I have to tell you. I am with child.’

He looked at her, stunned and unbelieving for a moment. ‘Are you certain?’

‘Yes, absolutely.’

‘How long?’ he said, incredulously.

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