Page 83 of Never Quiet

Chapter Eighteen

At a huge dinner hours later, Amanda broke the news to her family and friends that it was time for her to go. There were tears but not from her.

She’d cried enough.

Standing, she held the back of her chair. “Tonight, I’m going to camp out on the ridge. I showed the area to Roark and Ash. They’re going to set up camp right below me on the only access to the top. I’ll be safe. I have my phone. I need one night to myself before I leave my home and all of you.”

Clearing her throat, she added quietly, “I’ll be gone before most of you wake up and…I think that’s best. We’ve had our conversations. We’ve shared our love and memories. It’s not forever. I’ll see you soon, and I’ll be okay. No matter what, I really will be okay. Today is the first time I thought so.”

Looking around at the massive farmer’s table and the smaller tables and chairs they’d brought from all over the house to seat everyone, she smiled.

“You’ve given me beautiful moments to carry me through what comes next. You’ve taught me, without condition, how to be strong, independent, and mentally flexible. You made it possible for me to do what I never thought I’d do and gave me the courage to take a different path.”

She smiled at the faces of people she loved. “There will be upsides. I see that now. Davis and Erick reminded me of all the good I can do, like Morgan does, with the power of celebrity behind me. It’s a different life but I’ll make sure it’s a good one. One I’m proud of. One you’ll be proud of, too.”

Tightening her grip around the wood, she took several deep breaths. “I’ll be a phone call, a video chat, a text message away. Once I’m in New York, I-I hope you’ll visit. Not too often. Not so much that it disrupts your lives, your schedules. I mean that.” Exhaling roughly, she winked. “Grandma, Noel, and Chaz really outdid themselves and I am starving. Let’s eat.”

She sat and her father took her hand. He didn’t say anything because there was nothing left to say.

Smiling at Morgan, she said, “Are you ready?”

“Darling, I’ve been ready.” His voice was hoarse. Carefully schooling his features, blinking against tears, he added, “Callie has been working on a few things for your coming out. Between her digital designs and her ability on a sewing machine, I think we’ll have some gorgeous options.”

Amanda grinned. “I still have the first dress she made me. Mom was stunned a nine-year-old made it.” She winked at her friend. “Your grasp of texture and color is incredible.”

“Works of art,” Caroline added beside her. She lifted her wine glass with a shaking hand and smiled. “Amanda can be your canvas until you’re ready to dress the world, Callileah.”

Callie laughed. “With her body, anything works. I just like to dress her. It started because I thought she was way more interesting than a doll. I’d help Dad pick her gifts and be so excited to see them on her. I started getting frustrated because I couldn’t find exactly something I had in mind.” She shrugged. “My lower body is slow but my hands are dexterous. Two lessons in sewing and I was on fire.”

Leaning forward, Amanda whispered, “Who are you wearing, Amanda? An original by Callileah…”

Blushing, the thirteen-year-old waved her hand. “Stop it.”

“I will not.” She winked.

Everyone embraced the mood, the forced cheerfulness, and after a while, it wasn’t forced at all.

* * *

Tucking Heather in bed after her bath, Amanda knelt beside her and signed, “Do you know how much I love you?”

“I do, Amanda. Bigger than everything.”

“That’s right. You’re my sweet Heather, the sister I’m so happy to have, and I love you bigger than everything.” Bending close, she nuzzled her cheek and inhaled the scent of baby powder. Knowing she couldn’t hear her, Amanda hugged her close and whispered, “I’m going to miss you so much. I wanted to be with you through every minute but I guess that was never going to happen.” Leaning back, she said, “Sleep tight and dream happy dreams.”

“I will, Amanda. See you tomorrow.”

One more kiss and she walked quickly from the room. In her bedroom, she leaned against the closed door and wept softly.

There were some tears left after all.

* * *

It was late evening as Amanda took the back stairs to the mud room. All the possessions going with her were already in the back of the armored SUV that would take her to the private airfield. She grabbed her military duffel of camping gear, a small cooler, and slung her backpack over her shoulder.

Davis appeared in the doorway with his eyes wide. He took her shoulders. “Are you sure, Amanda? I know the circumstances aren’t ideal. Nothing like you probably hoped.”

“I’m sure. I’m not even nervous.” It was a lie but her cousin, her best friend, let her tell it.

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