Page 75 of Never Quiet

“This is so strange but…really nice.”

Nate said, “See what you’ve been missing? Every time we see you, we’re going to put you in the saddle.”

“You’ll be a pro in no time…” Callie burst into tears and Amanda got close to her. “What’s wrong. Does it hurt?”

“Y-you won’t be here.”

“Hey,” she said softly. Callie lifted her face and stared at her with dark blue eyes. “You’ll see me more than anyone. I’ll be living in the same building. Maybe there are stables and we can ride horses there, too. You have to check my house, my family, and let me know everything is okay.”

Wiping her tears, Callie nodded. “Okay.”

“You know what will help cheer us up? Fireworks. It’s almost dark so let me brush down the horses and we’ll find the best spot to watch.”

Nate lifted Callie down and Amanda led her horses into the stables. She brushed Kisses and was almost done brushing Juniper when everything sort of hit her. Leaning against the mare’s side, she cried brokenly for several minutes.

It was Lizzy who stepped up beside her and put her palm on Amanda’s back. Turning, she held on to a woman who radiated gentleness and comfort. It was no surprise that she and Zoe found each other.

Patting her back with one hand as she held Amanda’s shoulders, she said, “You’re doing so well keeping a smile on your face with all the pain and stress bubbling underneath.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened…”

“It took over. Sadness does that sometimes. Years ago, I lost my little boy. His name was Riley. H-he was hit by a car.”

Amanda lifted her head. “I’m sorry, Lizzy. Davis told me.”

She wiped Amanda’s tears with a nod. “Since he was my whole world then, I couldn’t focus on anything but the pain. I couldn’t hear anything, see anything, but the places where he was missing. I felt alone, tired, and I wanted it all to stop. I tried to kill myself but I don’t remember thinking about it or doing it. It all happened really fast.”

Amanda’s tears fell harder. “I can’t imagine the pain.”

“You can, Amanda. Right now, you’re experiencing grief. This bounty is like that car crash. It’s snatching away the daily life and the future you should have had. Our pain may be different, but yours will affect you in much the same way. You’re close to your family, like I was with my grandmother and my Riley. Every breath you take, you inhale love and exhale love.”

Holding her shoulders, she said, “You won’t see your family much in the next two years. You’ll create a career that I know, even as beautiful as you are, will be hard for you. There will be times you feel alone, tired, and you’ll want it all to stop. Times where you’re stuck in the pain of it, the loss of it. It might be hard to imagine what will fill the places where things are missing. But I promise you, if you power through it, as hard as it is, as painful as it will be, there is so much on the other side that you don’t even know about yet.”

“Like Dylan and Davis for you…”

“Exactly. They saved me. They keep saving me every day and I almost lost my chance to be with them. I never would have had my Julia. I wouldn’t have seen my best friends finally have the chance to marry. So many moments, Amanda.” She smiled and Amanda thought she had the loveliest green eyes. “Someone told me once that the universe craves balance. It gives me great comfort when I get sad.”

“Thank you, Lizzy.”

“You’re welcome.” She cupped her face with cool palms. “For so long, Davis barely let anyone touch him. He had trouble sleeping. The sight of certain foods made him vomit. The first time he met you, he told me he had a friend who hugged all the time, held hands, and made him laugh. Erick made him brave again. You gave him his humanity back. For the love and care you’ve given my son, I’m so grateful.”

“He’s easy to love.” She smiled shakily. “You know how he is. A shiny star in the darkness.”

Lizzy laughed. “He is that. We own a house on Long Island and I guarantee it will get more use in the next few years. Hang in there, Amanda.”

They walked back to the house together and Amanda needed a few minutes to compose herself.

Noel was perched on the edge of Amanda’s bed when she entered the room. Leaning against the door, she sighed.

“Are we having a talk?”

Shaking her head, Noel tossed her a small bag that held condoms, feminine wipes, and lubricant. “You waited and you made him wait. Just in case you can’t wait anymore, you’re not going to be unprepared. Hormones are crazy motherfuckers.”

Standing, she held Amanda’s shoulders. “I love you. I love the woman you are. The stuff moms worry about can be handled with what’s in that bag. The stuff I worry about has been worked out in gallons of your sweat over the years and will be worked out in gallons more in the coming months.” She inhaled deeply. “Either way, Amanda, you’re prepared. More prepared than most women your age. I trust your judgment, I trust your instincts. You do that, too.”

“No-No…I’m sorry I put everything on you. Grandma told me she and Dad pushed to keep me in the dark.”

“The people we love can’t keep their mouths shut.” She sighed. “I love you. I don’t mind being the bad guy, honey. I really don’t. It’s a role that fits and I’m strong enough to handle it.” She winked. “On the other hand, you make her a marshmallow so I’ll throw your ass under the bus every fucking time without hesitation.”

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