Page 110 of Never Quiet

“I love you, Uncle Morgan. I’m so glad you’re in my life.”

“The feeling is mutual. I’ll buy you time to escape.”

Turning, she took Hayden’s hand. “I need a minute.”

He reacted instantly, guiding her from the main room into a private reception area for the speakers next door. He held her face. “Are you overwhelmed?”

“A little but I feel good.” She wrapped her arms around him. “Honestly, I needed a minute with you. I know you rarely attend such things and never without an attached mission but…”

Holding her, he claimed her mouth for a long time. It was exactly what Amanda wanted, needed, in the moment. He was careful not to mess up her hair, not to hold her where it might leave an impression on her skin, or to eat at her lips so it was noticeable she’d been kissed.

When he let her go, she said, “Stay with me tonight.”

He nodded as he trailed a fingertip along her brow to her cheek. “You didn’t need notes.” She stared into his eyes. “You used sign language.” His thumb rubbed back and forth along her lower lip. “What a unique woman you are. It humbles me, Amanda. It makes me want to be more, do more.”

“You’re exactly right, Hayden. Exactly right.”

“You’re the only person to ever say that.”

She shook her head. “That’s not true. You just weren’t at a place where you could hear them say it, Hayden.” Kissing him, she whispered, “Now you are and that’s amazing.”

“I want to steal you away…”

Harper said from the other side of the room, “You absolutely may not steal her away, Hayden.”

Staring into Amanda’s eyes, Hayden said through gritted teeth, “Only with Elijah could you sneak up on me.”

“Incorrect, brother. We were already here.”

Hayden jerked his head to look at them with an expression of utter confusion. He frowned. “What?”

Elijah said softly, “You didn’t clear the room, Hayden.”

Turning back slowly, staring into Amanda’s eyes, Hayden blinked several times, his own filling with tears.

“Hayden, what is it?”

Cupping her face, he said, “I’ve been…a machine since I was a child. A machine, Amanda.”

She reached up to hold the back of his hands. “It’s alright. We can leave. We can talk…”

“No, you don’t understand.” Tears slipped over his cheeks. “Even when I was high, so fucking high on heroin I didn’t know my middle name, nothing but drugs for days, I was a machine. No emotion, no fucking hope, just actions and reactions and reflexes. I cleared every room, logged every person in it, knew the normal exits and the places I could make an exit. Nothing but mechanics and automation s-since I was seven, Amanda.”

She nodded and her tears slipped over his hands. “I know. I know, darling. Ssh. It’s okay.”

“It never stopped around family, lovers, friends. On missions, off missions. There are only t-two times in my entire life that I stopped being a machine. Two. When I was so focused on someone that the machine was quiet and I was just a man.”

He smoothed his thumbs carefully over her cheeks to wipe her tears. “The first time, I was twenty-one and a woman told me she still loved me despite my being a raging junkie who’d stolen money from her to feed my habit.” Leaning forward, he kissed her lips lightly. “The second time is right now, with you.”

“Hayden.” Amanda’s tears fell faster.

Resting his forehead against hers, he whispered, “Despite what’s best for you, our ridiculous age difference, and that I’m damaged beyond all belief…I love you, Amanda.”

“I love you, too.”

Grabbing him, Amanda kissed him with all of herself. Gave Hayden everything he wanted because he deserved it.

Even knowing there were unresolved issues, a woman he’d loved first and far longer, she didn’t care.

Love was moment by moment and she’d take her moment.

The future be damned.

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