Page 91 of Never Quiet

“I-I just wanted to get through it. I didn’t want anyone to worry.”

His eyes held hers for a long moment. “I’m going to follow you back to your house so you can shower and change. We’re going to have a wonderful lunch on the beach.”

“I-it’s okay, Hayden. I’ll keep training.”

“No, sweetheart. You’re done for today.” Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he walked her to her shoes at the edge of the mat. She stepped into them as he held her steady. “Oh, Amanda. Your muscles are spasming.”

“It’s alright. I’m fine.”

Leading her through the building, he sighed at the image that presented itself near the exit.

Ash was perched on the duct work above the hall. Noel was under him, clearly the reason he felt the need to seek higher ground.

Roark leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. He looked relaxed but Amanda knew he wouldn’t hesitate to defend the man he loved.

Her bodyguard yelled, “I told you stop, Hush! You no listen! I bring the big boss to make you stop! You break her mind, I break your face!”

“Come down here and say that shit, little man.”

“You want beat me? You catch me. Good luck. You slow.”

“I’m going to shoot you right off your perch like a bird.”

Rubbing her temple, Amanda got her aunt’s attention and asked, “Do you think you could stop threatening the team that protects me, Noel? Can we put that on the docket? I really like Ash and Roark. You will not beat or shoot anyone. They’re my men and my friends.”

“I’m getting really tired…”

“I’ve been tired!” Amanda screamed and signed. “I can’t be you, Noel. I will never be as fast, never be as strong, and never be as deadly. Guess what? I don’t want to be!” She walked over and looked up at Ash. “You can come down. My beloved aunt touches you and I’m going to fight her for real.”

He dropped nimbly beside Amanda with a little growl. Noel hissed at him like a cat.

Stepping slightly in front of her bodyguard, Amanda stared into hazel eyes just like hers. “I have more skill right now that any person on the police force, any person in normal military. When do I pass? When am I good enough? I’m not going on missions. I just need to keep from being dragged into a car.”

Taking a step toward her aunt, she asked, “You think I need more people? Roark and Ash will find me more people. You think I need a more secure house? Let’s do it. I’m just not sure where this is going. But, if you think I’ll never be safe unless I live in an underground bunker, then I’ll just take myself out now, Noel. That’s how I truly feel.”

Noel blinked several times. “What?”

“There’s being alive and there’s living, Noel. I know a lot about living because I have an incredible family. The other day, the thought of taking my entire bottle of pain meds flickered through my mind.”

Noel’s expression turned to one of horror.

“I didn’t mean to think it. The cost to protect so many people because of me, the risk to people I love because I have a fucking bounty…it seems stupid. For a second, I realized the problem was me and removing me from the equation would simplify a lot. It seemed utterly logical. The thought I had right after that one was that Ash and Roark would think they failed and I didn’t want them to feel bad.”

Grabbing her shoulders, Noel’s eyes filled with tears. “I-I lost sight, Amanda. I think…I was trying to make you into a killing machine to keep you safe.” Noel gathered her close, held the back of her head. “I don’t do well with fear. It’s not typical for me.”

Leaning back, she stared into Amanda’s eyes. “I’m going to go for that run. I’m still wound up.” She cupped her face. “You have lost weight. There are circles under your eyes. I didn’t see it. I didn’t let myself see it.”

“I love you, Noel. I’ll do my best but your level is way too high for me. I’m never going to get there. Maybe if I’d started earlier, I don’t know…”

“I love you and I’m sorry.” Noel kissed her forehead. “I’ll get my shit together and text you later.”

Amanda nodded and watched her aunt hiss at Ash before leaving the building.

Turning, she hugged the smaller of her bodyguards. He was shorter than her by half a foot so he was kind of pressed to her boobs but she hugged him anyway and he returned it.

“Thank you, Ash.”

“You must sleep, Amanda. Your body weakens. You not eat, not sleep, not smile.”

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