Page 52 of Never Quiet

Picking up her sister, she set her in the saddle and Zoe helped sign instructions. They walked her around the yard and Heather’s calm nature was a perfect fit.

After they brushed the mare down and Amanda showed her what she did with her food, water, and treats, she asked, “What do you think? Can you take over caring for Juniper for me?”

“But…Juniper is your horse.”

“Now she’s your horse, sweetheart.”

Her lower lip trembled and tears welled in her golden brown eyes. “Why, Mandy? Why would you give me your horse? You love her.”

Taking her to sit on the porch steps, she tried to explain to her sister. “In a few months, I won’t be here enough and Juniper will get sad.”

“I’ll get sad, too!” she said with a sob.

“I know but you’ll have Mom, Dad, Jan, Terrance, and Juniper to help you be less sad.”

Her sister crawled into her lap and hugged her tightly. “I love them but they’re not you, Mandy. Please don’t go!”

Swallowing against painful tears, she leaned her sister back. “It’s not for a while and I’m going to visit as much as I can. I’ll send you letters and we’ll see each other on the phone.”

“Who’ll do the silly poems?”

“Everyone…”

“They don’t do the dances though, Mandy.”

“I bet you could show them how, honey.”

“Who will I cook with?”

“Mom. She loves to cook and loves when you help.”

“She won’t throw food at my mouth…”

“I bet Dad would.”

“But…sleepovers, Mandy. What about sleepovers?”

“Every time I visit, you can have sleepovers.”

Then she was sobbing and Amanda was, too. She held her, rocked her, stroked her hair. Heather chanted her name over and over. She held her close and when their parents settled on either side of them, she cried even harder.

It took a long time to calm herself enough to realize Heather had cried herself right to sleep.

Looking at Zoe, she said, “I didn’t get enough time.”

Her wonderful mother cried hard. “I know, my beautiful girl. I wish we had so much more but…” She took several deep breaths. “You can’t keep putting your life on hold, Amanda. It isn’t fair to you and what you want for yourself.”

Her mother released a gasping sob. “I wish I’d had all eighteen years but even if I did, it wouldn’t be enough, Amanda. It would never be enough. That’s how much I love you and I’m going to be right here waiting every time you come back. Right here waiting to hug you and love you and pry into everything.”

Stroking Amanda’s hair behind her ear, she whispered, “I know you’re scared. I am, too. I know you’ll miss us. We’re going to be in such pain when you leave. I also know that you have to go because you’re meant for more than staying here. I’m a librarian and your dad is a contractor. That’s very different than the life you’re going to lead. The longer you put it off, the harder it’s going to be to go.”

Holding her sister close, Amanda breathed her in. Then she laid on her dad and he held her painfully tight. She knew he was crying and she knew if she looked at him, she’d never be able to calm down.

“I love you all so much. I love our family and our life here.” She tried to smile and failed. “I have to prepare a little at a time so maybe it hurts less when we get there.” She sighed. “I have to try.”

They loved her and she loved them. It wouldn’t be easy to leave. No matter where she was going.

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