Page 72 of Ashes

Rachel died.

Who’s going to die next?

Being my friend comes with a death sentence.

The fucked-up thing is that I wouldn’t trade places with any of them. I love my life so much these days that I’m excited to wake up and live. I’ve spent so many years praying to whatever God would listen and asking him to take me in my sleep. I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted to die peacefully in my sleep.

There were days when I hoped Sebastian would snap and kill me. I wanted it and even provoked him on occasion.

I tried to drown myself once, but drowning in a bathtub wasn’t very easy, and my instincts to fight kicked in, and that plan failed.

I would even pray to wake up as someone else.

Anyone else.

Anyone besides Lee Spencer, the girl who life loved to kick around.

Now, I wake up every day, grateful that my life didn’t end like I wanted it to. I wake up with purpose, and I wake up believing that everything happened for a reason because everything I did in my life led me to this moment.

To this exact moment, lying beside my beautiful daughter, waiting for the four men I love to return home.

Since tomorrow is Saturday, Olivia begged me to let her stay up late to watch a few movies. Being the pushover I am, I agreed. We made popcorn, grabbed some candy, and curled up on one of the oversized beanbag chairs in our home theater room, and watched a movie.

The second movie had just started when I noticed she’d fallen asleep, so I covered her with a blanket and watched the film alone.

Well, I’m attempting it because I can’t stop staring at her and memorizing every single one of her features.

The crease between her eyebrows, the way her nostrils flare when she exhales, the way her lips look when they’re slightly parted. I memorize everything. She’s such a beauty, and I feel like I’m living in a fantasy world. Like I could wake up any second to find it was all a dream.

I’ve always wanted to be a mother. I had hoped I’d be married and have children one day, but Sebastian quickly destroyed that dream.

Now here I am. Because of an unfortunate situation that was all my fault, that I unknowingly set into motion ten years ago, here I am. Now I’m getting a second chance and getting my daughter back.

I know I shouldn’t be happy about it. Someone had to die for this to happen. My friend died for me to have Olivia back, but God damn, I can’t stop thanking the Lord for allowing me to have her.

I never realized how empty my heart had been without her.

When I look at her, I don’t see Colton or the bad things that have happened to me. I see a young girl who deserves so much happiness, safety, and love. I see a girl that needs to be protected at all costs, and I’m willing to give my life to do that.

I’d do anything for her.

The sound of a door slamming shut catches my attention and pulls me away from my thoughts. Careful not to wake Olivia, I quietly stand up from the beanbag chair and grab my phone from the floor, checking the alert from our security system.

A smile spreads across my face seeing the alert for the open door.

Leaving Olivia to sleep peacefully, I exit the room, walking down the hallway and the stairs until I enter the basement where my guys set up their man cave.

“Hey, sexy.” Rowen grabs me from behind when I enter, pressing a kiss to the side of my neck.

“You guys are getting home pretty late,” I say, turning in his arms to press a chaste kiss on his delicious lips.

“Sorry, butterfly. We got held up with the shipment,” King says, taking a pool stick from the rack and preparing for a game of pool with Ace. The four left hours ago to meet with the South Lords to deliver them a shipment of guns in preparation for a turf war with the Westside Disciples. Since I learned that Eli had promised guns to both sides, I’ve been begging him to end his deal with one or both of them. He’s pouring gasoline on a dangerous fire that could eat him alive at any second.

He’s supplying guns to rival gangs, and they’re using those guns to kill each other. It’s not going to end well.

Of course, Eli waves me off, kisses me, and tells me he has everything under control.

“Well, while you guys were away, I’ve decided something,” I announce, walking toward the pool table and sitting on the edge of it.

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