Page 110 of Pretense

Edmund saw it as an asset. They could adapt together and, together, they would keep each other from losing the heart of who they were, even as they navigated through their masks.

Their families would help, of course. Their relationships kept them grounded, something Jalissa had lost by withdrawing in her hurt and pain.

Machasheni Leyleira led the way through the branching pathways of Ellonahshinel, and they arrived at her suite of rooms far too quickly.

Well, Jalissa was not going to put off this conversation with her grandmother any longer. But for the first time in a long while, Machasheni Leyleira’s piercing gaze did not scare her. “If you are going to tell me that you told me so, I have already figured that out.”

As she opened the door to her main room, Machasheni glanced at Jalissa, raising an eyebrow. “I believe it was your sister who told you so.”

Jalissa winced. Yes, Melantha had tried to retract the bad advice she had originally given. But Jalissa had not listened, far too stuck in her misery and anger. “I know. As soon as I can, I will talk with her.”

She had hoped to have a chance on the train ride to Escarland, but Weylind had taken away that opportunity.

No matter. Melantha and Rharreth had to travel back through Tarenhiel to return to Kostaria when they finished with their business in Escarland. Jalissa would talk to Melantha then. Surely if Machasheni thought it a good idea, then she would ensure, in that no-nonsense way of hers, that Melantha did not leave Tarenhiel until the two of them had talked.

“Good. See that you do.” Machasheni bustled inside. “Fill the kettle with water, senasheni.”

Jalissa found the kettle next to one of Farrendel’s heating devices and filled it with water from the tap. By the time she had figured out how to turn the heating device on, Machasheni Leyleira had set out two teacups, the china decorated with a delicate and elegant floral pattern, as well as the things for tea.

Machasheni Leyleira took a seat at the table while they waited for the water to heat. She gestured at the chair across from her. An order for Jalissa to sit as well.

After checking that the heating device appeared to be working, Jalissa reached for the indicated chair.

“And that young man of yours? Were you able to come to an understanding before he left?”

Jalissa’s hand froze on the chair, the tips of her ears heating. It took all her self-control to pull out the chair without fumbling and gracefully slide onto it.

Her heart beating faster, harder, against her ribcage, she forced herself to meet her machasheni’s gaze. “Yes, we were.” How much did she dare tell Machasheni Leyleira? How much did her machasheni already know? “We still have a few things to discuss when he returns, but things are finally all right between us.”

Better than all right, but she was not about to tell her machasheni that.

“Very good.” Machasheni Leyleira regarded her across the table, those dark, piercing eyes searching hers. “You have learned a valuable lesson. Yes, it is perilous to follow the whims of your heart without listening to your head. But it can also be just as dangerous to listen entirely to your head without regarding the warnings and wisdom of the heart.”

Jalissa dropped her gaze down to her empty teacup on the table before her. She had made both mistakes in recent years.

With Edmund, in his Elidyr disguise, she had followed her heart without heeding the warnings of her head.

Then she had gone the other way in the past few months by trying to force herself to simply pick someone to marry all on the cold logic of her head without regarding the promptings of her heart.

“Ask yourself. Is it right? Is it true? Is it honorable and good? If both your head and your heart can answer yes with honesty, then more than likely, that decision is the right one.”

Jalissa nodded. When Machasheni spoke about the heart, she did not mean just the shallow, surface feelings. She meant the heart. The part of a person that knew right and wrong and felt the deep, moving emotions of love and sorrow and joy.

Perhaps Edmund had been wise, in giving her these weeks to ponder everything before she agreed to court him. It was time she finally stopped to truly think about this decision.

Was courting Edmund right? Was it true, honorable, and good?

In their attempts before, when secrets and possible war had stood between them, she was not sure she could have said yes to all those questions.

But this time, she wanted to answer yes. She wanted their courtship to be based on what was right, true, good, and honorable.

She had three or more weeks to make sure that both her head and her heart were in the right place before she gave her answer to Edmund. Here, in an Ellonahshinel that was especially quiet without the rest of her family, she would have the peace for such soul-searching.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Farrendel climbed down from the Escarlish train, nearly as thankful as Essie to finally stop traveling. She leaned against him, pale even with both Rheva and Melantha taking turns keeping her nausea at bay long enough for her to keep something down.

Above them, the Whitehurst Mountains loomed high into the brilliant blue sky. At this time of spring, the fields spreading out from the base of the mountains gleamed green while the green continued in ever darkening shades all the way to the forested peaks. Unlike the taller, craggier mountains of Kostaria, the Whitehurst Mountains were rolling, forested mountains, all green and earth instead of stone and ice.

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