Page 104 of Pretense

Her promise. The one she had all but extorted from him. She would have happily smacked her past self.

She did not want him to leave. Not anymore.

Almost before she realized it, she crossed the remaining space between them and rested a hand on his chest, halting him. “No. You do not have to leave. I do not wish to ban you from Tarenhiel.”

He stilled. Then, slowly, he took his hand from the wall and rested it against Jalissa’s waist. “Do you mean that?”

Jalissa nodded, staring at the green fabric of his shirt as she forced the words past the lump in her throat. “I forgive you. I do not want to be bitter and angry all the time. We both made a lot of mistakes back then. You are not the only one who carries blame. I was just as free to walk away as you were, but you were the one with the strength to actually do the right thing and break it off before we hurt our kingdoms along with our hearts.”

“Jalissa…” Edmund’s other hand came up to cup her cheek. A layer of stubble darkened his jaw while shadows pooled beneath his eyes, the toll of the healing on him.

“You fight for Tarenhiel just as hard as you used to fight against us. First in Kostaria, and just now when you saved Weylind.” She dug her fingers into the soft shirt, pulling him even closer. “Do you think we can try again? One more time?”

“The fourth time’s the charm?” His mouth quirked in that grin she adored, his face only inches from hers. His thumb traced her cheek, sending shivers down her spine.

She swayed closer, their breaths mingling and heated between them. Would he finally kiss her? How she wanted him to kiss her.

Instead of erasing that last inch of space, he eased back, though he did not release her. His voice was low, his eyes strangely sad. “I still need to leave.”

“What?” Jalissa tightened her grip on his shirt. No. He could not do this to her again. Nearly kiss her, then walk away.

“One more mission.” Edmund’s gaze held hers, as if willing her to understand. “I need to make sure Farrendel and Essie will stay safe, and to do that, I need to deliver a warning to the king of Mongavaria.”

“I will go with you.” The words burst from her before she had even thought them through. But she did not regret them, nor did she wish to take them back. To choose Edmund would mean choosing to walk through this shadowy danger at his side.

Unlike before, he was not walking away with no explanation. He was trusting her by telling her of his mission. If his resolve to leave in the middle of the night was any indication, he did not intend to tell many other people.

“Not this time.” That gentle touch of his thumb was back on her cheek, melting her knees until only her grip on his shirt kept her upright. “I will be traveling fast, sleeping in ditches and hitching rides on trains when I can. I’ll stand a better chance of evading capture if I go alone.”

She did not like it, but she nodded. Perhaps if they were married it would be different but dragging both her and Sarya across Mongavaria while trying to preserve her reputation would slow him down. If they had been discovered in Escarland or Tarenhiel, it would have been embarrassing but nothing more. Mongavaria would be a different story. If Edmund were captured, he would likely be shot as a spy. He needed all the advantages he could get.

Especially now that he could not even contact anyone from Escarland’s established spy network in Mongavaria. There was a good chance the Mongavarian king might even now be arresting them, if Escarland had not managed to get a warning to them in time.

“I understand.” Jalissa drew herself together. If she could not go with him, then she could help him before he left. “But allow me to gather some supplies for you before you leave. Rest while you can.”

“Linshi, my amirah.” Edmund’s quiet elvish sent another shiver down her back. He had spoken those words to her as Elidyr, but now he said them in his own tone of voice. He pulled her closer again. “This is my last mission. When I return, we’ll talk about where we go from here. I want to do this right this time. No more secrets. No more fake courtships or lies.”

That was why he had not kissed her. He was too honorable to kiss her now, when he was giving her more time to think about what she wanted before he returned.

Still, a farewell kiss would have been nice.

“I will be waiting.” Feeling daring, Jalissa rested her hand against his cheek, his stubble scratchy beneath her palm. It took a great deal of willpower, but after a moment, she forced herself to drop her hand and step out of his arms. “Rest. I will return shortly with supplies.”

He sank back onto the bed, a sigh escaping him as if he was more tired than he wished to admit even to himself.

Jalissa tiptoed from the room, stepping over Sarya where she still lay across the doorway.

As Jalissa started down the short hallway between the other private rooms in the infirmary, she heard the soft scrape of Sarya rising, then her footsteps following.

When Jalissa stepped outside onto the porch, she glanced over her shoulder at Sarya. “How much did you hear?”

Sarya’s expression remained smooth, giving nothing away, though her eyes had a slight twinkle to them in the starlight. “Nothing, if you do not want me to, amirah.”

Jalissa was not sure what she had done to earn such loyalty from Sarya, but she was grateful. Sarya had not complained, even as she was dragged through the back streets of Aldon, across Escarland on that uncomfortable train, then across Tarenhiel. “Linshi. I know this is not exactly what you signed up for when you volunteered as my guard.”

A hint of a smile broke through Sarya’s normally blank expression. “It has not been boring, amirah.”

Sarya said it as if she considered that a good thing. That brought an answering smile from Jalissa. “It will be even less boring in the future, I think.”

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