Page 52 of Pretense

“Yes.” Farrendel shifted, easing her head more onto his chest rather than his shoulder.

In the distance, the faint glimmer of his magic gave the leaves and trees a blue glow. Essie gestured to it. “Is it exhausting, holding up that magical shield around us? How do you even sleep?”

Farrendel’s shoulder rose in a shrug. “I have enough strength to hold it in place for as long as it takes. I cannot sleep deeply, but that is a small sacrifice.” His voice lowered, somber. “I doubt I would sleep much anyway.”

Essie couldn’t snuggle closer than she already was, but she tangled her fingers tighter in his shirt under the warmth of the blanket. He likely would have nightmares, after what they’d just been through. “I’m here for you. Watching me nearly die couldn’t have been easy.”

“No, it was not.” Farrendel’s arm tightened around her shoulders, and she sensed the way he tilted his head toward her by the way his breath brushed her hair. “You have been in battles before, but this is your first time being shot. That is not easy either.”

Essie’s chest tightened, her stomach giving a lurch that she didn’t think was due to nausea. She was trying hard not to think too much about it, truth be told.

He pressed a soft kiss to her hair. “Do not be afraid to talk about it with someone if you need to. Even if it is not me, I am sure Rheva would be willing. Or we can set up an appointment with a counselor. There is no shame in needing help to process something, as you have told me often enough.”

A lump formed in Essie’s throat. This was Farrendel’s care for her, that he would worry about how she was mentally handling this as well as physically healing. “I think I’m fine, right now. But I’ll let you know.” She tilted her head up, finding Farrendel’s face only an inch from hers. She tugged herself up and kissed him gently. “Thank you.”

His arm tightened on her, his other hand easing up her back to cradle the her head. He kissed her again, deeper and longer. By the time he pulled back, Essie was melted inside, her thoughts nothing but mush.

Farrendel held her, tugging the blanket more securely over her shoulders. For long moments, they simply sat in silence, enjoying the night and the company. Tree frogs and night birds were starting to sing in the trees below and around them. Dusky gray filled the forest as night closed around them.

“A baby.” Essie hugged Farrendel’s waist, her head nestled against his chest. “I still can’t quite believe it.”

With her head resting over his heart, she could hear the way his heart beat harder, his breath hitching.

She patted his chest and looked up at his face. “Don’t start worrying about everything now. That’s the good thing about babies. You have months to get used to the idea and prepare. You aren’t just handed a baby out of the blue with no warning.”

While some of the edge of panic still lingered in his eyes, Farrendel’s mouth twitched into a smile that was torn between humor and a bitter irony. “That is what happened to my father with me.”

Essie paused, then gave a small laugh. “True. But that’s not going to happen for you. Nope, we’re going to spend months and months waiting and waiting. We’ll talk about names. Fight over names. Get so many gifts we won’t even know what to do with all of them while we are inundated with lots of well-meaning advice. And we are going to enjoy every step along the way.”

“Even the nausea part?” Farrendel raised his eyebrows.

“Well, maybe not that part.” Essie grimaced, her stomach giving another lurch just thinking about it. She wasn’t looking forward to trying to navigate the tree branch pathways of Ellonahshinel and Estyra while hugely pregnant. While she wasn’t clumsy, she wasn’t as elegantly graceful as the elves.

Farrendel kissed her forehead. “I am ready. Or, I will be.”

“I know.” Essie tucked her hands against his warmth as the night grew darker and colder around them. Their lives were going to be rather busy for a while. Farrendel still had his classes at Hanford University, and she had her charities in both kingdoms. And now they would be parents on top of all that.

But they would handle it, like all the many generations of new parents before them.

As Farrendel’s arms tightened around her, Essie closed her eyes. “You’re going to be a great dacha. I’ll be that crazy mother that manages to embarrass her children all the time. And this child—and any other children we might have—will always know he or she is loved.”

Chapter Seventeen

“Why do you come to the library so late each night?” Elidyr sat across from Jalissa.

As they had been talking, he had given up on his pretense of keeping busy, much to Jalissa’s pleasure. It was nice to simply sit and talk. She had never met anyone with whom she could talk the way she could with Elidyr.

Jalissa glanced out at the dark night. “I struggle to sleep when my brothers are gone. I fear…”

“You fear losing them.” Elidyr stated it quietly, his shadowed eyes gazing at her with such compassion that it felt like a warm cloak settling around her.

“Yes.” It was her greatest fear. Her father had gone to war, and he had never come home. Farrendel had gone to war, and he had never been the same since. Weylind had gone to war, and it had aged him and stolen his smiles. There were, after all, many ways to lose her family to war.

* * *

Jalissa was freezing. She smelled like she had been sprayed by a skunk, rolled in animal dung, then rinsed off in a cesspool.

For three nights and days, she and Edmund had kept a watch on the Times building, only taking a few breaks to go back to the safe house and catch some sleep. She had met a few of the other men and women from the Intelligence Office, though met was a loose word for it. She had not been told their names. Occasionally, one of them would walk the street, pressing bread, soup, and a note into Edmund’s hands. Sometimes, they would be at the safe house, and Jalissa found herself sharing a secretive meal with strangers and sleeping in the same bunk room with Escarlish women who did not introduce themselves.

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