Page 17 of Pretense

“Yes.” Both his voice and his gaze were steady as he continued to face her across the train car’s small aisle. “You’re right. Despite this attraction between us, we aren’t right for each other. But I still care enough about you to want to see you happy. If I can help make that happen, I will.”

It brought a lump to her throat, and she had to turn back to the window for a moment while she blinked back the emotion.

For the past few months, she had felt so alone. And here Edmund was, offering to help her even though she was the one who had rejected him.

She should not lean on him yet again. It would make it that much harder when they ended their fake courtship, the final nail in the coffin of their rather doomed relationship.

Yet, was that not what friends were for? If she and Edmund were going to remain just friends, then they would need to have a good working relationship. After all, the odds were high that she could find herself stationed in Escarland as an ambassador once again, this time with her elf husband at her side.

It would not be fair to her husband if she still had feelings for Edmund at that point. It would be far better if she and Edmund had gotten that little matter behind them and built a good friendship and nothing more in its stead. The kind where they could laugh at what could have been, joke about how wrong they had been for each other, and turn loving gazes onto their spouses instead.

“Linshi.” Jalissa had to speak softly, hoping that would disguise the lingering emotion.

Edmund ducked his head a moment, his shoulders rising and falling. When he faced her again, gone were any traces of attraction or pain. Instead, he wore a bright smile that even seemed to reach his eyes. “You’ll have a chance to observe them while you still have me for a buffer. They won’t be putting on as much of a show, trying to impress you.”

He was offering to be her shield, even knowing that it would mean she would walk away with someone else in the end.

She should not let him do this. He was risking too much, giving her too much.

But she found herself nodding, something in her chest easing for the first time in months. As much as she did not like it, she was not the type of person who could face things alone. She needed to lean on someone.

She had tried to deal with this on her own. Weylind, Rheva, Farrendel, and Elspetha had already carried too many burdens for Jalissa to wish to worry them with hers.

Perhaps it was selfish, letting Prince Edmund take that burden when she knew she could never give him anything more than friendship in return. But she was weary enough that she no longer cared.

Hopefully this was not another decision she would come to regret. She had more than enough regrets as it was.

Jalissa curled in her favorite chair in the library, only the stub of a candle lighting the corner.

The scuff of footsteps was the only warning before a male elf servant, dressed in plain green, came around the corner. Above the stack of books he was carrying, she could see he was the same elf she had bumped into the other day, his blond hair gliding across his hunched shoulders.

He stopped short and bobbed as much of a bow as he could without dropping the books, his face down and shadowed in the faint light of the candle. “Pardon, amirah. I did not mean to disturb you. I was concerned someone had left a candle lit.”

A dangerous thing in a library, and even more so in the treetop library of Ellonahshinel.

Jalissa waved away his apology. “I appreciate your concern. I hope I am not in your way. You must have a great deal of work to do if you are here so late. I can leave.”

She did not want to return to her empty room. There, the worries gnawed at her, as they always did when Weylind and Farrendel left to fight the trolls. She had already lost both her macha and her dacha to the trolls. On nights like this, it seemed almost inevitable that she would lose her brothers too.

The slightest curve of a smile crossed the elf’s face. “You are not in my way, amirah. I will return to shelving books and leave you to your solitude.”

As he turned to go, Jalissa straightened. “Wait.”

When he turned, not quite meeting her gaze, she swallowed. Why had she called him back? It was as if a part of her did not want him to go. As if his mere presence was more comfort than her solitude.

“What is your name?” That was a safe question, right? It would not be so odd for her to wish to know a servant’s name.

“Elidyr Ruven, amirah.” He gave another bow, then left her alone once again with her thoughts.

Chapter Six

Farrendel woke in the familiar bed of Buckmore Cottage, his and Essie’s home in Escarland. Essie lay beside him, her red hair flowing over the pillow and onto his. Leaving Essie still sleeping, Farrendel dressed in Escarlish clothing—one of the nicer sets rather than the worker’s clothing—and tiptoed down the stairs to the kitchen.

Voices greeted him even before he stepped through the doorway. Miss Merrick stood at the stove stirring an omelet while Iyrinder leaned against the wall by the door, most likely waiting for Farrendel. As Farrendel strode inside, Miss Merrick and Iyrinder halted their conversation, turning toward him.

“Good morning, amir.” Iyrinder bobbed his head in Farrendel's direction. Even though the plan had been for Iyrinder to rotate off Farrendel’s guard detail to be replaced with another of Weylind’s guards who wished to be trained to work with the human guards under Captain Merrick’s command, somehow Iyrinder had stuck around.

Farrendel was thankful Iyrinder had stayed with him. It was easier getting used to the rest of the guards changing as long as Captain Merrick and Iyrinder remained the same.

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