Page 96 of Lost Soul

“You were sat on the steps all by yourself, totally unaffected by all the chaos that surrounded you. Freshmen not knowing where to go, everyone trying so hard to impress and make friends on the first day. You were eating an apple, and your hair was tied up on top of your head. You had those sexy as fucking sin glasses on and looked so beautiful. Everything stopped for me. Everything. I hadn’t even spoken to you, and I doubted everything I was.” His hands on my face are trembling as he speaks. “Hayley got out of the truck and I drove home, and I couldn’t get you out of my head, not even for a second. I wanted to know everything about you. Every little fucking thing, like what it felt like to touch your skin, and how your hair would smell up close.”

“Jesus Christ,” I hear Nyx huff.

I try to tone down my goofy smile by biting down on my lip.

“I wanted to talk to you myself, to ask you what your deal was but I was fucking petrified. So for the next few months, I just watched you. You went to Bernie’s every Friday the same as us, and every single Friday while I was driving to pick Hayley up I’d try and convince myself to talk to you, but then as soon as I saw you again, I’d back out.”

“But why? Why couldn't you just be normal, come over and ask me my name? Why all the deceit and fake friend crap?”

“’Coz fucking look at you, Mads, you’re just about everything that's fucking right about the world, and I’m just about everything wrong with it. A blind man could see that you were as pure as fuckin’ air. That you were too innocent for me even to be looking at.

And, because I’ve never cared before, never wanted anyone the way I want you, I didn’t know how to fuckin’ deal with it. You put things in my head that I didn't even know I was capable of thinking. Even then, that first time I saw you, I’d figured by the time I’d gotten home that I liked you enough to stay away from you. I’ve spent every day since then trying, trying so hard to do what I thought was fuckin’ decent, but failing.

People try telling me I’m a good person, but when I'm with you, the feelings you give me actually make me believe that maybe I could be…” I see how sincere he is, and feel the tears form in my eyes as I listen.

“Mads, I fuckin’ love you, and for that reason, I can’t give you up.” His forehead rests on mine, and he breathes as though the heaviness of the whole world has just risen from his shoulders.

I wish I had words for him, but I’m speechless. I’ve never had anyone say things like that about me before, and I realize I only ever want it to be him who does.

“Fuckin’ says something, Mads.” He swipes his hands through his hair, then bangs his fist on the door of the truck like he’s being tortured.

“I love you too.” The words come out by themselves, sounding as though I've been saying them my whole life. I know by the way his eyes check me over that he’s trying to catch me in a lie, but he won’t. I mean every word.

“Come home with me?” he asks, tipping his head to one side and making my heart leap. I let him think that I have to contemplate the idea, leaving a heavy silence in the air before I speak.

“One condition,” I tell him, crossing my arms like a bratty child.

“Name it,” he snaps back, shaking his head as if there’s nothing I could say that he wouldn’t make happen.

“You stop making assumptions over what you think I want. Why do you think I went to Bernie’s every Friday after class? I could have sat alone in my room and done my homework like I did every other night.”

“What you trying to say?” He looks back at me with a hint of a smirk.

“I’m trying to tell you that Maddy goody-two-shoes had the hots for the sexy biker who hung out in Bernie’s every Friday,” I tell him, a little embarrassed. I’d noticed him months before Hayley became my friend. Used to watch him and wonder what it would be like to be with a guy like him. I’d known Jessie was part of the club before I’d asked him because I’d seen him in his cut so many times. I never really understood why he kept it from me.

“So stop assuming. Jessie, you've given me so much. You care for me in a way I've never been cared about before. I love everything about you, even all the wrong things, you don't have to hide yourself from me. I want you, all of you.”

“You’re gonna regret saying that, darlin’,” he tells me, just before his lips press back onto mine and he lifts me up off my feet, I feel the smile on his lips as I straddle his hips and let him carry me across to his bike.

“Hey, does this mean we don't have to go to Utah?” Nyx calls out from the truck behind us, and Jessie drags his lips off mine to speak.

“It means we ain't going to Utah… But you still are.”

“The fuck?” Nyx moans. “What for?”

“I need you to pick something up for me.” Jessie looks for my reaction as he speaks. “I need you to go get Mad’s mama and bring her back to the club.” My breath catches in my throat as I replay his words in my head.

“Really?” I check I heard him right.

“Yeah, I'll speak to Prez, we can get her a job in the bar.” Sitting me on his bike seat he must have noticed the horrified look on my face and he quickly corrects himself. “Not that kinda job.” He rolls his eyes and climbs on in front of me. “We have free cabins, she can make herself a home, and she’ll be safe on the compound, I promise.”

“See, just when I don’t think I can fall any deeper, you go prove me wrong.” I reach my hand around him and flick his nose playfully with my finger.

“Keep on falling, darlin’, I'll catch you at the bottom.” He winks over his shoulder.

Nyx looks unimpressed as we turn around and pass him on the way out and I hold on tightly to Jessie as he rides us home. It’s the longest journey I've taken on the back of his bike, and it feels amazing. Wind wraps around my hair and tightens my skin and if it weren't for the purring and vibration of the engine beneath me, I would feel like I was floating.

We make it back to the entrance of the compound without me even realizing, and Jessie cuts the engine and twists his body around. The sad look on his face makes me panic that he’s changed his mind again.

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