Page 87 of Lost Soul

“Yeah, I thought that too, nothing in there stood out. Take a look if you want it’s in the spare room on the bed.” He shrugs before he leaves.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I hear his bike pull away. The man is intimidating, even when he’s being what I guess is his version of friendly. I move through the house in search of the spare room and immediately know which one of them belongs to Hayley because it still smells like her. I pass it for now, not sure if I’m ready to go through her things just yet, and it doesn’t take me long to find the room I’m looking for. The chest is on the bed just like Prez said it would be, and I carefully go through its contents. There are lots of photos and some old paperwork, but nothing significant enough to bring him back here and commit murder. I did find a business card for a lawyer in Utah, which I tuck into my shorts pocket to look into later. Aside from that my search results in nothing.

I give in to temptation and stop by Hayley's room on the way out. I smile to myself at how messy and disorganized her dresser is. I run my fingers through the shimmery particles of brown eyeshadow that are settled on its surface. The same one that she always wore on the edge of her eyelids. There are more photos of her and Jessie stuck around her mirror, and I feel guilty for the pang of jealousy I get seeing how close they’d been.

I open her wardrobe and touch her clothes. All of them seem too good to give away, they belonged to her. It just doesn’t seem right. I half expect her to burst through the door and yell at me for even thinking of taking her clothes to charity.

But she doesn’t, and the room remains silent and lonely.

Tears prickle at my eyes at the thought of all the things I’ll never get to know about her, and when I see the corner of a box stuck out from under the bed, I wonder if it contains more photographs. Maybe I could take some back for Jessie to put up around the cabin, it might help us both feel closer to her. I slide the box out from under the bed then sit on the floor and open the lid. It’s crammed full of envelopes, all of them written to Jessie. I skim through them all, digging to the bottom of the box and the writing varies from childlike to adult.

I’m confused why Hayley has so many letters for Jessie, and I’m almost tempted to rip one open and see what’s inside. That wouldn’t be right, but I do place the lid back on the box and take it with me, leaving everything else behind.

Hopefully whatever’s inside these envelopes will bring Jessie some peace, he doesn’t sleep at night, I know he blames himself for what happened to her. He’s insistent that it was him who kept on at Prez to loosen her reins and let her do more by herself.

When I arrive back the cabin is empty, and there’s a new note left in replacement to the one I’d left for Jessie this morning.

Gone down to club, back soon.

Miss you x

I giggle at how cute he can be and I place the box on the table ready for when he gets home. Then I set to making us something nice for dinner.

He gets home a few hours later, and I can tell straight away that things haven’t gone well. I consider hiding the box for another time, but even when he sits in front of it, he’s too tense to notice it. Running his hands through his hair he releases a frustrated breath, and I flick the lid on a beer and place it in front of him. His firm hands wrap around my waist and prevent me from walking away, and he pulls me back to him his head pressing against my stomach.

“Bad day?” I ask, stroking my hand through his hair.

“Shit,” he answers.

“You wanna talk about it?”

And when he shakes his head, I decide not to push him any further.

“I made your favourite,” I say, pulling away and making my way over to the oven. “Enchiladas,” I try my best to sound enthusiastic.

“They wanna use you to find Chop,” he blurts out as if the words have been burning in his throat.

“Sure, I’ve been looking into some stuff—”

“It’s too dangerous,” his voice cuts me off, and I take a step back, confused. This is what they wanted me to do, Jessie had told me that himself.

“What?”

“Suppose Chop finds out you’re the one we’re using to find him and he comes for you. What if I’m not here? I let Hayley down, promised I’d keep her safe and I couldn’t. I ain't doing a thing to risk losing you too,” he tells me, his fist clenching tight.

“Do you think Dirty Souls are dangerous?” I fold my arms.

“For anyone stupid enough to fuck with us yeah… which is exactly my point, Chop—”

“I fucked with you,” I interrupt him this time. “I screwed you up for six months, and you didn’t have a clue who I was. You couldn’t trace me. You couldn’t stop me, and you couldn’t get to me because you never even knew I existed.” Jessie looks back at me and I can tell he’s speechless.

“Don’t underestimate me, Jessie, let me do this. I want to help.” I need to do this, to have a purpose. With the Bastards still after me, I can’t leave the compound, and trying to fix this is the perfect distraction.

“Hey I wouldn’t ever…” He stands up, and takes hold of my face the way he always does when he’s serious. “I couldn’t handle anything happening to you, and now we’ve seen what Chop’s capable of…”

“Yeah, we have, which is exactly why he needs to be stopped before he can hurt anyone else. I’m good… trust me.” I hang my head a little sideways knowing he can’t say no to me when I try being cute. “And anyway, I got this kickass biker dude that’s kinda protective of me, so I’m not worried,” I add, and when Jessie kisses me I know he’s gonna let me help.

“Could I stop you even if I wanted too?” he asks with a sigh.

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