Page 60 of Lost Soul

“And what about you? Do you trust me?” she asks biting into a crispy slice of bacon. Her eyes focusing on me the whole fucking time.

“Yeah, I do,” I admit, staring right back at her, I want her to know that I mean exactly what I’m saying. Then, when the connection suddenly feels too intense, I move up from the table and put my plate in the sink.

“I got to be at church. So, I’ll catch up with you later. Help yourself to anything…” I look around knowing the fridge and the cupboard are pretty much empty. Maddy’s eyes widen, an irresistible smirk appearing on her lips.

“Yeah, alright point made. I’ll head to the grocery store after church,” I laugh a little, shocked that despite the dull ache of loss lingering in my chest, the girl sat in my kitchen still manages to make me laugh.

“Church?” She looks up at me, confused.

“Not that kinda church, darlin’.” I smirk, lifting my cut from the back of the chair and making for the door. I struggle against the urge to kiss her again, only this time I’d want to do it the way Skid kisses Carly whenever he leaves her. Like he doesn’t want to leave her. I don’t want to leave Maddy, and the thought of her tongue back inside my mouth makes me solid, again.

“Jessie,” her sweet little voice calls after me, the tiny hint of desperation in it makes me turn around. My arms automatically reach out and catch her when she runs into me. Her lips gently press against my mouth, holding them there for a few beats before she pulls them away.

“Thanks… For trusting me,” she whispers, her cheeks brighten with a sudden flurry of embarrassment. I could grab her up right there, do all the things I ever imagined never being able to. But instead, I nod politely and walk out.

Screwy is already sat on his bike, no doubt waiting for Squealer. He lifts his chin at me like he usually does, only today there’s a little emotion in his normally stone hard eyes. I guess it’s his way of checking I’m okay.

“Yeah man. I’m good,” I answer his unasked question, at the same time Squealer comes out of their cabin, still doing up his pants. Mel trails behind him, kissing his shoulder as he steps off the porch. When she looks over to me, she smirks and snakes her arms around his neck.

“Mornin’ Jessie,” she calls over, shrieking loudly when Squealer slaps her ass then makes his way over to his bike.

“Mornin’ yourself,” I hit back. I start up my bike and take off down the track to church. I wonder how the hell we’re supposed to fix this fuck up of a situation, especially when there’s nothing we can do to bring back what we’ve lost.

Prez is already waiting at the head of the table when we walk in. He looks like he hasn’t slept all night, I think I managed about an hour myself. Too busy thinking of all the different ways I could make the Bastards pay for what they did to Hayley.

Everyone takes their usual places, Except for me, it feels weird sitting in the VP’s Chair where Chop usually is, a fuckin’ awesome kinda weird though. None of us really know what to say to Prez. He’s just lost everything, and there’s a blankness in his eyes that I doubt will ever leave them now that Hayley isn’t here anymore. He breaks the silence by bringing everyone up to speed on the Maddy situation, he tells everyone she’s to be treated as a friend of the club, although there’s nothing friendly about the tone he uses when he says it. To him, Maddy will always be the girl who lives and breathes in the place of his daughter. He’s keeping her safe because he knows she’ll be useful to the club, and I like to think that maybe he’s keeping her safe for Hayley too.

“So what we gonna do to make them pay?” Thorne asks, taking the words right off my tongue.

“Right now. We do nothing,” Prez tells us, and everyone looks very confused.

“We took out six of the fuckers yesterday, and now we’ve got their secret weapon too. We’re playing the long game this time. We’re gonna close them down from the outside in, make them paranoid.”

“Prez?” Squealer asks, looking as disappointed and shocked as the rest of us.

“I mean it, this time I want them finished. Done. The whole Charter wiped out and then I’ll set to ruining every other fucking Charter until Bastard is just the name for a kid whose mama can’t remember who knocked her up. “

“So we don’t get to kill anyone?” Squealer checks.

“Not today,” Prez shakes his head.

“Sorry, kid.” Squealer slams his brother's rock-solid chest but doesn’t get a response.

“We start small. Let them think we were satisfied with taking the six. Skid’s got a list of names from Rogue, people she’s heard are dealing around town. Jessie and Troj, you take on Nyx, start making your way through that list. I don’t care how you do it, I’m sure you'll come up with something. Warn them enough never to deal again. Take their stash and take their money. It's business as usual.”

“Sure thing Prez,” I tell him leaning across the table to take the list from Skid, surprised when I see that there are at least fifteen names on it. This problem in town is bigger than I thought. Me and Troj can get real inventive with these shits, I’ll bet Nyx’ll get a kick out of learning from us too.

“Skid we need back in with the Russians, now that we don’t have a certain little bitch tracing our every move, see what’s about. If you don’t get any luck try Shaun, the Irish are always shifting.” Skid nods and Prez lets out a long, exhausted breath. The kind that tells me he’s been building himself up to this moment, and his eyes fill up before he speaks. “You’ve all heard what happened to Hayley, and can understand why I wanna be alone right now. You need anything, you speak to Jessie, He can make decisions on my behalf or come to me if he thinks it’s important enough. I need a few days out.” He hits the gavel down weakly then stands up and walks out. His actions leave us all speechless, Prez is always the last to leave. Always.

I’ve spent a whole week at the club, and as he never seems to come home, hardly any time with Jessie. Thankfully, Carly makes sure I’m never lonely, I join her and Skid for dinner most nights, we sit on her deck and drink wine while she fills me in on how everything works around here. I spend most of my days hanging out with her too. If I do see Jessie it’s always brief, he only ever comes home to shower and to sleep. Every night he goes down to the club and he stays out until the sun rises the next morning. The only trace of him ever being here are restocked cupboards.

It’s pathetic that I miss him, that I’m frustrated he hasn’t kissed me again. All I can think about when I’m not grieving Hayley, are the things she told me about the women that hang around the club at night. Carly confirmed it. And secretly, I hate to think of Jessie spending time down there with them.

Today is different though, it’s the day he’s been dreading as much as I have. Today, we say our final goodbyes to Hayley. I dress in the black lace dress Carly loaned me, then head out into the living area. Jessie is sat at the table staring into a cup of coffee. While I’ve been dashing between my room and the bathroom, drying my hair and getting dressed, he’s made breakfast, and I’m pleased to see that there’s a plate set in front of him too.

“You should eat, today’s gonna be hard.” Eyes filled with guilt stare me over, he’s been looking at me that same way since he came home without Mom. I can’t be sure if it’s because he feels sorry for me, or if he’s struggling to forgive me for what happened to Hayley. As much as it hurts to think that, I couldn’t blame him if he did.

“You look real nice,” he says, looking back down and taking a sip of his coffee. I step closer to the table, tugging down the bottom of the dress to stop it riding over my ass when I walk. It’s much shorter than what I’m used to, not exactly what I would consider appropriate to wear to a funeral, but Carly insisted it looks good, and I don’t exactly have a lot of other choices.

---