Page 63 of Lost Soul

“This used to be a proper family club, look at the facilities we got here it’s perfect. But after the Bastards killed Mary-Ann. Some brothers thought it was safer to move their families to quieter Charters. Prez never held it against them. It just meant we ended up with all the crazy motherfuckers who have nothing to lose.” Jessie lights up a cigarette and makes sure to direct the smoke away from me.

“Having Brax back in town will be a real step forward for the club,” he tells me looking over at Brax, who’s now deep in conversation with Prez.

“He really that bad?” I ask, wondering how one person could make such an impact.

“He’s clever, hard as rock, and he doesn’t have anyone to give a fuck about. That makes him dangerous if you’re his enemy.”

“And what about you… Are you dangerous?” I ask, looking into his eyes so he can’t avoid my question, alcohol must be making me a little braver than usual.

“Yeah, I am,” he says without hesitating.

“Like Brax?” I push for more.

“Nothing like Brax. I have people I care about Maddy, and that makes me worse.” He leans in closer to me. “I’ve lost, a whole lot. And I know enough about how that shit feels to make sure it never happens again,” he tells me holding my eyes with his. With no escape from them, I pick up my glass and seeing that it’s already been topped up, I tip my head back and swallow it down. Jessie watches me as the fireball settles in my stomach, then laughs before he’s interrupted by another biker.

I get sensible and switch alcohol to water when the atmosphere in the club starts to change, things get rowdier after Prez leaves. I don’t miss the look of concern on Jessie's face when he’d announced he was going. Not long after, Jessie takes my hand and pulls me towards the door.

“You want to leave?” I ask a little shocked when we get outside.

“I want to take you somewhere,” he says, getting on his bike.

“Well then let’s go.” I hop on behind him without any hesitation because the more I do it, the more I realize how much I like it.

Today was harder than I anticipated. I thought I’d done all my grieving, I’ve been taking my anger out on the list Rogue put together for us, spent every night since Hayley's death fucking over people who dealt for the Bastards. It never made me feel any better, but it did keep me away from Maddy, and all the temptation that came from being around her. Putting space between me and her was the right thing to do.

I’ve started to understand why Prez never wanted Hayley at the club, I don’t want Maddy around it either. The guys may be my brothers, but that doesn’t stop me wanting to kill every one of them that dares to eye fuck her. At least with Hayley everyone knew she was off limits, no one would have had the balls to look, let alone touch Prez’s daughter. Today, after seeing Maddy on the back of my bike I hope I’ve sent a clear message to them all that she’s off limits too. It’s bullshit, but if I can’t have her, I sure as hell ain’t about to let any of those assholes.

Maddy trusts me. She’s willing to get on my bike when I ask to take her somewhere without question. Her soft hands grip me as I ride us out to the main road, up through the mountains and to my spot. I’ve never brought anyone out here before, not even Hayley. But today I feel the need to share it with her. We ride all the way to the top of the mountain, the road tapering thinner and thinner until it fails to exist. My timing is perfect, the warm oranges starting to blend into rich purples and illuminating the sky in front of us. But tonight she’s distracting me from all that.

“It’s beautiful.” Maddy smiles, her wide eyes watching the sun slip behind the mountains, causing black shadows to cast over the valley below us.

“I’ve been coming up here since I was a kid,” I tell her. “You see that tree line over there? That’s the start of the forest that edges the compound, and this side…”—I point into the valley —“That’s the reservation.”

“Reservation?” Her sweet voice sounds intrigued.

“Yeah, a Cheyanne tribe, pretty sure it’s one of the only remaining ones around here.” She looks back at me confused. “Ain’t many tribes left now, not like these anyway. These guys still live the traditional way.”

“That’s crazy,” she laughs, and hearing her excitement makes me smile, even after the day we’ve had.

“So no electric, no cars, no running water?” she asks, leaning forward to peer over the rock and get a better look.

“Nope, they do it the same way their ancestors did it for years and years before them. Everyone at the club and people in town thinks they're crazy, I think it’s kinda cool,” I confess. Come to think of it I’ve never admitted that to anyone. There’s no love lost between the Cheyanne tribe and the club. We’ve been asking them for years for passage through their reservation. If our escape trail through the woods could be rerouted to come out on the edge of the reservation, we wouldn’t have to risk going on any main roads at all. Every time we reach out to them their chief refuses us, and although it fucks us off, there’s always been an unspoken respect between them and us.

Both our people live by our own rules. So I guess we’re not so different.

I light up a smoke and watch her be enthralled by the tiny figures moving below us. Children dancing and playing with each other while men sit and smoke. The women chat while they clean up after whatever meal they’ve all just enjoyed together. A few women walk towards the tree line on the opposite side of the reservation, probably going to use the natural spring at the bottom of the hill to bathe. It’s simple living, but I understand its benefits.

“It’s like stepping back into history,” Maddy says, and I notice how she shivers slightly, her skin’s starting to turn a little paler, and goosepimples raise on her arm.

“You cold?” I ask.

“I’m okay. Really. Please let’s just stay here a little while longer?” she pleads. She’s crazy if she thinks I’m gonna say no to her. Especially when she’s being so damn cute. Balancing my smoke between my lips, I let the stream of smoke sting my eyes as I shrug out of my cut and drape it over her shoulders. Her dainty fingers touch at it, pulling it tighter around her.

“Thanks.” She looks up at me with those perfect eyes. “And not just for all this, for today too. Letting me out for the funeral, bringing me here. I really needed it.”

“You’re not a prisoner, Maddy,” I remind her, feeling a sharp punch in the gut at the thought of her seeing it that way. “I’m not trying to punish you. I’m trying to keep you safe.”

“I always feel safe when I’m with you,” she whispers, avoiding my eye contact by pretending to be distracted by the scenery.

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