Page 47 of Lost Soul

"Love Jessie...” I swallow the thick blood clogging in the back of my throat. "I need you to do that for me, okay? I need you to let yourself… love."

"Hay. Help’s coming." His voice sounds weak, and the fight’s beginning to drain out of his eyes. Then my heart breaks when he loses it all together. My pain is starting to ease, and I guess, in my case that isn’t a good thing.

"Promise me!" I battle against the urge to shut my eyes, knowing they won't open again if I let them close. They’re so heavy, I won’t be able to fight against them for much longer.

"Sure thing, pretty girl," he whispers, nodding his head and treating me one last time to the smile that I’d move hell and earth to see. One of his tears spills on to my cheek, I feel it roll along my skin and I smile too, because for that short moment he’s mine. I just wish I could keep him.

I don’t fight against my eyes anymore, I let them fall. His face is the only vision I want to remember. I don't worry about what will happen next, or where I’m going. I just pray that wherever it is, I get to keep that with me. I cling on to it so tight, focusing on his blue eyes and handsome smile instead of the fact that my agony has vanished completely. And as the painful cries that scream out my name fade further and further away. I don't fight to go back to him. I leave him behind. Letting myself slip away, because death has to be easier than letting him go again.

I’ve always thought it was a cliché when people tell you everything moves in slow motion during a tragedy. And yet here, watching everything play out in front of me, that’s exactly what happens. The armed men bursting in the room, Jessie’s terror-filled eyes locking on mine.

All of it happened so slowly that my head will never let me forget a single detail of my own horror movie, the low, dull thumping of my heart playing as its soundtrack. I’ll see Hayley every time I close my eyes from now on, jumping in front of me and falling to the ground.

My ears still ring from the sound of the bullets when I realize what she’s done, and everything around me becomes a silent panic. Jessie looks wild as he runs forward and falls in front of her, grabbing her up and pulling her on to him. I look up at the other men in the room, and they all seem a lot less scary with devastation hanging on their hard faces. It shows that they’re human. They watch with me as Jessie rocks Hayley's body, willing for her to stay with him. I can’t hear what he’s saying, the shrill, high pitched sound of bullets are still hurting my head.

The sound leaves as quickly as it came, and his cries are the first thing I hear, calling her name, begging her to come back.

Even before her hand falls from his face, everyone in the room including me knows that it’s too late for an ambulance. But Jessie refuses to give up, dragging her limp hand back up and holding it to his face.

“No, Hay, don’t you leave me.” His eyes drown in tears when her hand lifelessly slides away again. “Hayley. Please don’t,” he pleads, sounding like a scared child.

He keeps rocking her, pressing his lips tight against the parting on the top of her head. Speaking in soft whispers, and begging for her to wake up. And I watch his pain through my own tears.

Suddenly everyone parts out of the way, an older man with white hair makes his way through them. Stopping still when his eyes fall on Jessie and Hayley like he’s just grown roots. His forehead furrows deeper, and his eyes turn glassy. I realize I’m looking at Hayley’s Dad.

It seems like hours before anyone moves and it’s the tall, long-haired one who steps up first. He walks slowly towards Jessie, and crouches beside him. His hand reaches out to squeeze his bare shoulder and his voice crackles through the unbearable silence…

“Jess. Come on man, you gotta let her go.” Jessie doesn’t respond, he just keeps rocking. Eyes tranced and focused forward. “Jessie,” the man speaks again.

“I... I can’t.” Jessie shakes his head, his voice broken, and his lips refusing to move from Hayley's hair. The torture in his eyes tears a hole through my chest.

“Come on. We got to move man,” the guy tries again, but Jessie doesn’t budge. I want to reach out to him, but I’m still tied up and all I can do is sit and watch him fall apart right in front of me.

He kisses her temple and closes his eyes. Inhaling deep like he’s absorbing her into his memories.

“I’m so sorry… so fuckin’ sorry, Hay,” he says through his tears, rolling her away from his body and placing her gently on to the ground.

“Sorry.”

The tall guy tries to help him up but Jessie pushes him away. I can’t look when Jessie lifts up on to his knees, throws back his head, and a painful noise rips right from the bottom of his throat. Not a cry nor a scream, but something in-between. Like the howl of a wounded wolf.

He slumps back down, his arms hanging over his propped-up knees, and his head dropping between them. Breathless and destroyed.

Nobody seems to be moving, everyone still struck with shock. Seconds pass into minutes and Jessie pushes his trembling fingers through his hair, leaving a blood-stained trail in his sandy-blonde strands.

I fight against my restraints, desperate to get to him. Wanting to wrap him up in my arms and show him some comfort, but the ropes that hold me won’t budge. I look up from him and notice the president badge Hayley's Dad is wearing on his jacket as he moves closer, His eyes not moving from Hayley's body and the lifeless look in her eyes matches his own.

Jessie crawls back to her and hangs over her body.

“Wake up,” his gravelly voice begs. He grabs at her shoulders and shakes her hard, his voice turning angry. “Wake the fuck up, Hay… Wake up, right now,” he demands, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. “Please…” he eventually whispers, sounding defeated.

“She’s gone, son.” The older man leans down, tapping Jessie on his back, his eyes still not moving from Hayley.

“No.” Jessie shakes his head then looks over to the dead man who killed her.

Like someone just flicked a switch inside his head, he’s on his feet, all the hurt in his tear-drenched eyes flipping into rage. With nostrils flared, and his jaw clenched tight. Jessie’s lips scowl fury as he charges over to the body of our capturer. His boot smashing into the dead man’s face, and then his stomach.

“Fuckin. Piece. Of Bastard. Scum,” Jessie growls through his teeth, continuing to kick the ever-living shit into the lifeless body of the man who’s just taken Hayley's life right in front of us.

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