Page 30 of Lost Soul

“Everything’s gonna be fine. I promise.”

Her head moves in my hands as she stares back at me through her thick, black lashes and nods. Her pupils magnified by the tears just waiting to release. She has me fixed, her eyes somehow managing to pierce through my thick surface and claw all the way into my fucking soul. I shouldn’t let them, but I can’t pull away from her. Her front teeth hold her bottom lip, and I torture myself imagining how it would taste trapped between mine.

I wonder if she’s thinking the same thing as me, how it would be easier than breathing to lean in and take those lips. Make them mine here and fuckin’ now. But it doesn’t matter what my head is telling me, I know what she wants. She wants special, she deserves special, and there ain’t nothing special about the man standing in front of her.

“You should go to bed. I got this,” I force my eyes away from her and gesture them to Hayley.

“Yeah, you’re right.” She smiles and carefully pulls her head away from my hands. “Goodnight Jessie,” she whispers as she backs away and leaves the room.

I slump back into the seat, taking in her room for the first time. Just when I think Maddy Summers couldn’t get any cuter, I find myself in her fuckin’ room. Baby pink walls and bedding with frills, the fuckin’ works.

While Hayley sleeps, I wonder what possessed her to sneak out and do something so stupid. Prez is gonna spit flames when he finds out, and that little bit of freedom she’s tasted would be gone.

The call came in from Troj around 4am, he and Grimm have picked up Cobie, and he’s in the basement awaiting my arrival. I look forward to meeting him.

I stay awake watching Hayley breathing until the sun fills the room. Needing to stretch, I get out of the chair and make my way across the hall, unable to help a peek inside the room where Maddy sleeps. She’s laid on top of the covers, her long, blonde hair fanned out in all directions, some strands covering over her face.

I creep closer.

So close that I feel her breath on my face.

Too close.

My fingers tremble as they reach out and slide across her skin, brushing the hair from her face and causing her to stir a little. She makes the most perfect humming sound, and I let my hand rest on her cheek. Feeling her sinless skin inside my tarnished palm fills something inside me that until now, I hadn’t noticed was hollow. My thumb trails her bottom lip, like sandpaper rubbing over silk. The blessed touched by the dammed, and I promise myself that I’ll never cast the shadow of my darkness over her perfect glow.

I’ll protect her from my dirty soul,

It’ll be the only good thing I could ever do by her.

Already, I know it’s gonna hurt me like hell, but it’s better than the alternative. For me to hurt her.

I pull my hand away and move out of the room, but her faint, groggy voice has me turning back around before I make it to the door.

“Jessie.” Maddy’s already sitting up, arms stretched over her head and mouth open mid-yawn. “Is she okay?” she asks lazily.

“Yeah still sleepin’. She’ll be fine.”

“You’re one of them, aren’t you?” Her eyes fall to my cut. I’d been too preoccupied with worry for Hayley to even think to take it off.

“Yeah darlin’, I’m one of them,” I tell her, knowing I’ve set her free the moment the words leave my mouth. I nod my head at her before I leave the room. Ashamed at myself that for the first time in my life, I’m sad to admit being part of the club I’d die for.

I’ve made my decision, I have no reason to hide who I am from her anymore.

When I cross the hall back to Hayley, I’m relieved to find her sat up, legs dangled over the edge of the bed.

“Why does it feel like I’ve swallowed an exhaust pipe?” she lifts her head up to ask.

“That will be because during my attempts to save your life, I had to ram my fingers down the back of your throat.” I cross my arms over my chest.

“Well next time do me a favor and let me die. Hell knows where those fingers have been,” she says, leaning forward and cradling her head in her hands.

“What the fuck, Hay? I always knew you were a little stupid but that shit you pulled last night…” I shake my head. “…Fuckin’ suicidal. If Prez finds—”

“Prez won’t know though, will he, Jessie?” she interrupts. “Because right now, he’s probably still at his club, with some whore spread out on top of him, not giving two shits about me.”

“Hay, that’s bullshit. Your dad just wants you safe. He loves you.”

“If you love someone, you wanna spend time with them,” she bites back, and I hate that I fail to come up with an explanation for my Prez. Jimmer doesn’t show affection all that well, but no one doubts how much he loves his daughter.

---