Page 28 of Keeping Ava

“You don’t have to continue, Ava. I can put it together, sweetheart,” Elijah murmurs against my neck, and that’s when I realize that I’m no longer on the bench but sitting astride his lap. I’m in his embrace. Moreover, I don’t want to move or get up because right now, this is exactly what I need. He soothes me. “Just breathe in and out for me. That’s it. Slowly.”

“I’m okay.” My voice sounds off to my own ears. A tiny bit panicky, and yet, the more my body follows the rise and fall of his chest against my arm, the tension drains. Breathing gets easier. “He didn’t get to finish, Eli. Jason moved to touch me and I reacted, driving my knee as hard as I could into his balls. In agony, he rolled off and I took the opportunity to run inside and lock the door.”

“That’s my girl.” He goes rigid beneath me. I know he didn’t mean to say that, and I’m not going to make a big deal out of it. Not now. Not when I shared something with him that’s worn me down for years. Elijah clears his throat and mutters a low Christ. “And Rose?”

“Came back a few minutes later swooning over her first kiss.” Elijah lets out a small groan as I shift in his lap, covering it with cough. It’s a horrible sound, and I almost laugh. I would even find it mortifyingly hilarious if I didn’t feel so drained after my confession.

“She wasn’t a good friend,” he says, and the tinge of anger in his tone warms my heart. It shouldn’t, but it does.

“Trust me, I know.”

After a few minutes of silence, Elijah nudges me with his shoulder. “Want to get out of here? Do something fun?”

That’s one way to change the topic. “Is that your way of saying enough with the heavy?” It’s my attempt at a joke, but neither of us laugh.

“It’s my way of saying I need to see you smile again.” Turning my face toward his with the tips of two fingers, he raises a brow. “How can I make you happy, Ava? How can I make it better?”

You already are. I almost say it. It’s on the tip of my tongue, but I chicken out.

My face heats up, and my emotions are all over the place. From scared to angry to happy to in lo—

“Baking,” I blurt out before completing that thought. A thought there is no going back from. “I miss baking.”

* * *

The hot water pelts down my back inside his shower. I’m sitting down on the floor, knees to my chest as I process today. The tears have stopped, yet my emotions feel out of whack.

Everything we shared continues to replay in my head:

What he told me. What I confessed. What I still haven’t.

As I grew up, Jason’s attention always lingered. Looks, trying to hold my hand, punching my first boyfriend in the face for kissing my cheek after a school dance. My parents and friends all thought that it was him seeing me as a little sister—being protective because that’s the bullshit line he fed them.

My only solace came from him never trying to touch me again. Just that once.

His moving away gave me peace, but the return was deceiving. I thought he took my rejection well.

I’ll come for you...

This nightmare will never end. Realizing that this is a lost cause is a punch to the gut and another sob catches in my throat, causing me to bite down hard on my bottom lip so Elijah doesn’t hear me.

I’m screwed no matter which way I turn.

It’s why I’ve been hiding in here since we came back to his apartment. Avoiding. Trying to make amends with a puzzle full of broken pieces that fits within its new perimeters. It’s not supposed to.

I’m not supposed to think past surviving, and yet, I do. Want to.

With him, I have hope. Have a chance at something uniquely normal, and it’s scary because how can I think of more when I don’t know what tomorrow will bring?

Will they take me from here too?

Will Jason get to me?

Will Elijah be there past this?

And yet, despite all those lingering questions, there’s a blooming force growing within that scares the bejeebers out of me.

A woman running for her life shouldn’t be focusing on her handler. I shouldn’t like how good he feels against me. How much I want to kiss him.

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