Page 9 of A Ticking Time Boss

Audrey: That’s why I never tasted any of the peanuts you offered. Had you laced them before?

Carter: You’re on to me. I always carry a vial of arsenic around.

Audrey: I figured. You gave me those vibes. But, tell me. What do you do on a first date?

Carter: Beyond hyperventilate, you mean?

Audrey: Yeah. Tell me how a guy prepares.

Carter: What a question. Tells me everything I need to know.

Audrey: How so??

Carter: You prepare, do you? And work yourself into a state through it all. The trick is to not prepare at all. I don’t.

Audrey: So just… show up?

Carter: Yes. He’s there to date you, not the dress you spent four hours picking out. Just show up with a good attitude. That’s the only prep you should do.

Audrey: This is such a guy’s advice.

Carter: Isn’t that what you wanted? A guy’s perspective?

Audrey: Yes. But wow, is it a guy’s. Please continue though. Worst mistakes a girl can make?

Carter: That’s gonna vary from man to man, kid. I can only tell you what would turn me off.

Audrey: Lay it on me. I can take it, I promise. Is it aggressively eating free peanuts? Was your arsenic-laced gift actually a test?

Carter: I don’t think charming a man on your first date is your problem, not judging by the other night.

Audrey: He was definitely a weirdo though. Come on. Share something.

Carter: Fine. Someone who wants to change everything about their order annoys me. I mean, if you’re lactose intolerant, fair. But when a date wants to combine two dishes, have them served due north, and could they please get some sesame seeds on top? That bothers me.

Audrey: Oh I get that. I would never. So, I already know punctuality isn’t important to you. But what is?

Carter: You forgot rudeness. Apparently I love being rude to waiting staff.

Audrey: Oh my god. I’m still sorry I said that. I want to blame it on my nerves but maybe I’m just awful. Sorry!!

Carter: That text right there proves you’re not.

Carter: So. What’s important. That she can laugh. If I can’t make a woman laugh, it’s game over for me.

Audrey: Your ego can’t take it?

Carter: Kid, it’s my one superpower. If I don’t exercise it regularly I’ll die.

Audrey: Aren’t you also pretty successful?

Carter: I’d take issue with the word “pretty” if we hadn’t just met.

Audrey: Lol. Alright. So you’re very successful, and funny. Dating has to be a game to you, and one you always win.

Audrey: This is great. I’ll spam you with guy questions. You’ll regret ever giving me your number.

Carter: Haven’t regretted it so far. You’re funny, kid.

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