Page 35 of Undertow

I take off my flats and carry them in one hand so I can sink my toes in the sand.

Hayden hangs back and watches me for a little while. We don’t talk, but the silence is companionable and not awkward at all. I love being around someone I can just be with in the quiet without the constant expectation of conversation. Some moments don’t require words.

I move closer to the water’s edge so I can use my toes to write in the wet sand before the water comes and washes it away.

That’s our relationship, really. We’re playing in the sand, knowing the waves will wash it all away before anyone can ever see it. It’ll be like it was never there to begin with, and only we will know it was.

It’s kind of beautiful in a way.

It could be sad, but I’d rather think of it as beautiful.

The waves lap at my ankles. I wish I had a swimsuit on underneath my dress. It’s a balmy night, perfect for playing in the water without worrying my fair complexion will earn me a painful sunburn.

Turning back to Hayden, I look him over. He’s standing guard, his hands shoved in his pockets, watching me play in the ankle-deep water.

“Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?” I ask him.

His lips tug up. “Yes. Have you?”

I shake my head and make another heart in the sand while the waves roll away from the shoreline. “A friend dared me to once, but I was too afraid someone would see me.”

“Is that a common occurrence for you?”

I look up at him, a questioning smile on my lips. “Do a lot of people dare me to skinny dip?” I tease. “No, I can’t say they do.”

He smiles but shakes his head, still wanting his answer. “Do you skip a lot of experiences because you’re afraid of them?”

That wipes the smile off my face. “I’m not timid. I’m just practical. If the payout doesn’t justify the risk, I probably won’t do it.”

“It just doesn’t seem like you take many chances.”

“I take chances when I think they’re worth it. Opening my own dance studio was a big risk,” I point out, though I’m not sure he knows Iownthe studio. He may just think I’m a teacher there, working for someone else. “I had to invest everything I had in that studio and justhopeit would work out. It could have cost me everything if it hadn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to pay my bills or take care of Parker. We would’ve lost the house because I’m the sole earner and I wouldn’t have been able to pay the mortgage. It was immensely scary, but I took the leap.”

“Why?”

“Because…” I sigh, thinking back to that time. “Because I wanted more. I was unfulfilled in my other jobs. I’d worked several, but I wasn’t passionate about any of them. I was just toiling away for a paycheck. I’ve had to make a lot of sacrifices over the years due to circumstances and bad decisions. I just decided life is too short to spend all of it doing something you don’t love.”

Hayden nods. “That’s true. Lifeisshort.”

I nod and look down, etching a swirl in the sand at the water’s edge. “That payoff was worth the risk, so I took it. Now, I make my living doing what I love, and I get to be my own boss. Parker dances, too, so I even bring her as my assistant when her schedule allows it. I wouldn’t be able to spend that extra time with her if I still had any of the crappy jobs I worked before.”

“It sounds like you construct your whole life around her. You and your daughter must be very close.”

“We are.” I’m hesitant to ask, but I’m also curious about his relationship with his son. “Are you and Landon close?”

He doesn’t answer right away. His gaze drifts to the ocean behind me. “We were once,” he finally says. “A long time ago.”

I step even more carefully here since I can tell his wife’s death is still a source of pain for him. “When your wife was alive?”

He nods. “My whole life with her was only possible because she was who she was. To be honest, I’m not sure I was cut out for family life, but it was easy to fall into it with her. She made it easy. I loved our life together. Then she was gone, and all of a sudden, it was up to me. I was lost in my own grief, so I couldn’t… I couldn’t pull anyone else out of theirs.”

Even from a distance, I can feel the pain radiating inside him. It bleeds out around him like a force field that should keep me away, but it pulls me in instead.

I feel no jealousy that he loved his wife so deeply, only sympathy because he lost someone who clearly meant the world to him.

I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do, but I can’t stand here and watch him hurt without at least trying to help. I step out of the water and slowly approach him. My touch is tentative as I reach my arms around him, just in case my comfort isn’t welcome, and he wants to push me away.

He doesn’t. He doesn’t return the hug, just stands there as solid as stone, but he lets me hug him. I press my head against his heart and listen to the strong thud of it beating in his chest.

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