Page 49 of Undertow

He tells me he does and leads me down into the cabin I’m guessing would be his. It’s the master suite, if a boat has such a thing—and this one does. There’s a king-sized bed, but the bedroom is so big that there’s also a little sitting area with a couch and a couple of end tables on the other side. There’s a master bathroom with a shower and tub, and his and hers sinks on opposite sides of the room. The biggest walk-in closet is off this bedroom, and so is the office.

“I can’t believe you have a study on your boat,” I say, leaning forward to poke my head inside. “Parker would love this.”

“It’s pretty much a whole house,” he verifies. “We lived on it for a year while our house was being built.” He reaches for me, taking my hips and pulling me around to face him.

On instinct, I wrap my arms around his neck and gaze up at him. “Youlivedhere?”

“For a time. I used to love the ocean. Felt more at home out here than I did on land.”

“What happened?” I ask, though I think I have an idea. Maybe it’s better if he tells me himself.

Hayden sighs, his arms settling around my waist. His gaze shifts away from my face, but his grip seems to tighten. “Six years ago, I was at work on a Saturday. I wasn’t supposed to be. It was my day off, and I guarded those pretty fiercely back then. I wanted to spend all the time at home that I possibly could. Like you, I wanted to soak up all the moments.”

I smile faintly when his gaze flickers back to mine, but he averts it just as fast.

“But on this particular Saturday, I decided to go in. Wanted to impress the partners with my dedication to the case. We’d been planning to take the boat out that day. I told Sally we’d do it Sunday instead, but Landon was determined to go out on that boat, he didn’t want to wait. Sally decided there was no reason they couldn’t go out without me. We loved to boat, so we could go out again Sunday if we felt like it. It wasn’t even unusual for them to take the boat out without me, they did it all the time. So, they did it that day. And like a hundred other times before, they jumped off the boat and swam around in the ocean. They were both strong swimmers, so they liked to splash around and have fun.”

He pauses, his gaze drifting to the window. I know the ocean is out there, but right now the water isn’t peaceful and beautiful. It’s dark and terrifying, an abyss you could easily get lost in.

“Landon was twelve. He was the only eyewitness, so it’s impossible to fill in the gaps, but he said they were just swimming and playing in the water when suddenly he realized the only sounds he heard were his own. He turned around, thought she must have been waiting underwater to pop up and startle him, but he didn’t see her anywhere. He swam around in circles, looking for her head in the water, looking for the shape of her body underneath. He looked up on the deck, thinking maybe she’d climbed back on the boat, but she wasn’t there. She wasn’t anywhere. He dove back in the water, and he dove, and he dove, and he dove. He screamed for her, and finally, one of the crew came to see what was going on.” He shakes his head and looks straight at me. “The ocean betrayed me that day. It swallowed her up.”

I caress his hard jaw, trying not to envision Landon as a desperate little boy searching for his mother when she was already gone.

“There’s no closure with a death like that,” he finally says. “The ocean is vast and full of predators. They never found her body. For days, weeks, months, I didn’t want to believe it. Maybe she was out there somewhere. Maybe somehow, I’d get her back. But I knew it wasn’t true. I could feel it in my bones. I brought the boat out time and time again trying to find her, but once I accepted that she was truly gone and I wasn’t going to find her no matter how much I looked, I brought the boat in and never took it out again.”

“I’m so sorry, Hayden,” I whisper.

He meets my gaze. “For years, I’ve been haunted by the same dream. We’re out on the boat, and she’s alive and there with me, but something feels off. It feels like a mean trick, but I can’t completely understand why until it happens. One minute, she’s there on the deck with me, and we’re just enjoying one last day together, and the next, she’s jumping in the ocean. That’s when it hits me. If she goes into the water, she’ll never come back up, but it’s too late. I call out to her, and I lunge, trying to catch her to pull her back up, but she disappears beneath the water. I can jump in, I can dive and dive like Landon did that day, but I can never get her back.”

Something that sounds almost like fear can be heard in his voice. It’s powerful and deeply rooted, and I wish I could scoop it out of him and throwitin the ocean.

His arms tighten around my waist, and he pulls me more snugly against him. “The other night, I had the dream again. I was out on the boat, which I hadn’t been on in years. But this time, it wasn’t Sally on the deck with me. It was you.”

My heart sinks. “Me?”

He nods. “Wewere enjoying a day together, and it didn’t feel off at all. I didn’t even realize right away it was the same dream because this time, everything felt right. You were wearing sunglasses and a white cover-up over your bathing suit. But then you stood and took it all off. You asked me if I’d ever been skinny-dipping, and then you jumped in the water. And as soon as you hit the water, that panic came back. I remembered what was going to happen. I dove in after you, but I’ve had the dream so many times, I knew how it would end. The same way it always ends, with me desperately reaching for someone I can never hold again.”

The way he says that cuts deep, and since Icanhold him right now, I do.

I close my eyes and rest my head against his chest. My arms reach around his muscular back, and I hold him as tight as I can.

Then he speaks again. “But I was wrong. This time was different. I plunged my arms into the water, and I ripped you from the ocean’s deadly clutches. You were wet, and you were scared, but you were there, and you were mine. I held you in my arms, and you held me right back, and… it was like the nightmare was finally letting me go. It was like I finally had a second chance.” He leans in so his forehead is resting against mine. “You were my second chance, Gemma.”

My eyes fill with tears because I want to be so badly.

But it was just a dream.

I can’t say that to him, though. Not right now. Not after what he just shared.

Then his lips find mine, and I kiss him back with the same desperate hunger.

When he lifts me and carries me back toward the bed, I’m as eager as he is to get there.

His hands are greedy and rough as they squeeze and caress my skin, running his hand over everything he can touch like he’s taking stock of a prized possession. He puts me down right in front of the bed, catching the hem of my dress on the way down so he can grab my ass.

He lets go and searches for a zipper on the back of my dress. When he finds it, he drags it down and pulls the material forward.

He sits me on the edge of the bed and rips his shirt off without bothering to unbutton it. I’m wide-eyed as he pushes the material off his muscular arms and throws it on the floor, then even more turned on when he looms over me, his sun-kissed, muscled chest and abdomen on full display.

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