Page 83 of The Pirate Laird's Hostage

‘While I have been breaking my heart over you, fearing the worst. When I got word you had gone into England, Will, I felt sick to my stomach with worry.’

‘Fighting is the price men must pay for being men, is that not our lot in life, while to be a woman is to fret for those you love? You and I both must bear who we are. Come, Morna, you have always known what I am, what I will always be. You have seen the darkness of my soul, the bitterness, the anger. But I think you also see the man I could be, the better man, the kinder man. I cannot become such a man without you. Come back to me Morna, or this life, this struggle, means nothing.’

‘Why do you want me, Will, because you hate to lose, because you want your precious alliance? You can have that anyway after proving yourself. Why bother with a wife, an anchor weighing you down?’

‘Because an anchor holds a ship steady, it stops the ship being blown out to sea, at the mercy of storms. An anchor brings certainty and the chance to rest and be calm. You can be that to me. I need that, and I need you. You know how much I want you and I am sure you want me. What is between us comes but once in a lifetime. Do you not think we are destined to be together, why else would fate throw us into each other’s paths?’

‘I will not live my life in fear of losing you, Will. I will not be widowed to this war, and it is just a matter of time. You are in Robert’s grip now, a fly to his spider, and you can twist and turn, but you will never get free. Our King will send you into battle after battle until it kills you. I cannot bear that to be my life. I told you what would happen if you did this. I warned you that I would not spend my life waiting for you to die.’

‘We are all waiting for death, it comes for all men. The tragedy would be if we never got to live first, so I ask for the last time, Morna, come back with me and stand by my side. You have a choice of a short life with me or a long, dreary lifetime with only your stubbornness for company, and cold comfort that will be.’

‘I can’t, Will. We are too alike, and we would send each other mad. I am done with men telling me how to be, how to feel, who to choose.’

‘I am not just any man, Morna.’

‘No, you are not. You are the best of them, and you are the worst of them.’

‘Because of what happened to my family I thought I was shut off from love, but it seems it is you who fears it, more than I.’

‘With good reason, for all I have known is war and my family’s jeopardy, my brothers forced to fight again and again. All my life, I have felt trapped by the whim of Kings. I chose you because I thought you could stay out of it and we would be safe together. Now you are in it up to your neck.’

‘Then we have no more to say to each other, and I will leave on next tide. This is the last time I ask, for I will not come again. And Morna, if your mind is made up, then do not come to Fitheach and seek me out. You once said to me that you would not spend your days looking out to sea for a ship that never comes. I, too, refuse to pace the battlements, looking for a lost love that never returns.’

He untethered his horse, jerking at the reins violently in his distress. Will mounted up, and there was desolation in his heart as he took one last look at her.

‘Forgive me, Morna, for everything I have done to you,’ he said, as he kicked his horse hard in the ribs and sped off.

***

Hours later, Morna sat before the fire with her head in her hands. Giselle put her arm around her shoulders to comfort her, while her son Fearghas burrowed his red-gold head into the folds of her dress, squirming and tugging on it for attention.

Morna reached out a hand to him, and he tottered over to her. She folded him into her arms and such a comfort he was, as he threw his arms about her neck. She had always enjoyed her nephew’s affectionate nature when visiting Corryvreckan.

‘I should not have told you to go to him,’ said Giselle.

‘No, I had to see him, one last time, to be sure. Will is not honourable, and he is utterly wild and dangerous. He is everything I should not want, and yet I do want him, so much. I know that I will never lead a safe life with him, and his own is likely to be a short one with a brutal end, for he will not dance to any other man’s tune.

‘Or woman’s, Morna, said Giselle solemnly. ‘Think on that.’

‘And yet I know in my gut that Will does love me and that he will be true to me.’

‘You let him ride away from you. Why is that?’

‘I am afraid Giselle, so very afraid.’

‘Afraid of losing him, or of loving him? One you can do something about, Morna, the other, it seems, you cannot. Stay with us a while, think on your feelings, untangle your heart a little. Perhaps some time apart will be good.’

‘If I reject him now, he might never forgive me and then there will be no going back.’

‘Morna, listen, do you think we have a choice about who we love? Do you think I wanted to risk my heart on your brother, a Scot who took me for ransom and dragged me into a strange land, full of strangers with strange ways? Do you think it is easy, now that I love him, to send him off to war? Lyall is my life, Morna, and there will never be anyone else for me. How does Will make you feel, answer me honestly?’

Morna stared into the fire for the longest time, as her heart hammered in her chest at thinking of him. Big hands, impatient, strong, and yet gentle when they loved her, and oh, he was so braw and tall, that dark gold hair, his smooth-limbed strength, his anger, his passion.

‘Will consumes me, Giselle. For him, I live and breathe, and that terrifies me. I will never have his forgiveness for spurning him, for he is not the forgiving type.’

‘Of course, you can. Do you not have weapons you can use, as a woman, I mean?’

Lyall suddenly barged in, all smiles, and Fearghas abandoned Morna to run to his father. Lyall scooped him up and rained kisses down on his fat, little face but stopped when he saw her tears. ‘Whatever is amiss?’

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