Page 26 of Abstract Passion

Feels like a lifetime has passed since Devlyn asked me to move in with him. I’d told him I needed to think about it. He granted me the time and I have mulled it over, but I have yet to answer him. Is it too early to blame that on pregnancy brain?

I lift my head and rest my chin on his shoulder before kissing it and sitting up straighter. Glance into his glassy, soulful eyes. Eyes that question if I love him enough to want this. To be with him full time. To share the same space as him. To cohabitate.

And the uncertainty in his head and heart, that is on me. Too many days have passed since he asked. Too many days have passed without me answering. God, his mind must be in overdrive. Crazy with assumptions.

How unfair of me to make him wait, considering I decided not long after he asked. I assumed my actions made my answer evident. But Devlyn needs to hear the words. With all the hurt in his past, he needs to hear the answers. When it comes to Devlyn, I should never assume.

“It’s not that I don’t want to move in.”

He shifts in his seat to face me more easily. Arm resting on the back of the couch, his fingers toy with the loose strands of my hair. Twirl and lightly tug. “Then what’s holding you back?” His knuckles graze the angle of my jaw and I lean into his touch. Let my eyes fall shut and my body relax. “So beautiful,” he whispers.

The backs of my eyes sting as I swallow down his words. God, I love this man. This beautifully broken man.

“I’m scared,” I say, my eyes still closed. “I’m scared to give in.” Slowly, I open my eyes. “Scared to fall harder and lose you.”

His other hand cups my cheek, his thumb stroking beneath my lashes. “You’ll never lose me, Shelly. Never.”

“How can you be so sure?” I fist the hem of my shirt and tug it over my swelling belly. “What if having the baby puts a wedge between us? What if I move in and things become too much? Right now, everything is new and happy. But what if that changes when the baby comes?”

Leaning forward, Devlyn kisses my forehead. His lips linger for three breaths before he resumes his previous position. Warmth spreads from the spot he kissed to my heart. I take a deep breath and hold his vibrant greens.

“I don’t doubt things will change when the baby comes.” His fingers go back to the loose strands of my hair. “But we control how they change. Yes, the baby will throw a glitch into the life we currently know, but we have the ability to shape how we want the future.”

Since Devlyn started therapy, we haven’t had many serious, in-depth conversations. I don’t ask how his sessions go. I don’t mention his mother or parents. Not from lack of curiosity, but more because I don’t want to invade that area of his privacy. I don’t want to rehash possibly upsetting moments. More than anything, I want to respect his boundaries.

With unparalleled patience, I wait for him to broach the heavy subjects. Wait for him to spark those weighted conversations. Because they aren’t mine to bring up. They aren’t my stories to tell when ready.

The strength in his words as we talk about our future tells me therapy has been beneficial. Has given him the opportunity to look at life through a new lens. With new perspective. With a positive outlook.

“I just don’t want you to grow tired of me,” I huff out. “Then we’re both stuck in a crazy situation.” I lift my hand to his jaw and trace my finger to his chin before letting it fall away. “Don’t want you to feel pressured to keep me around if something changes.”

“One… not going to happen.” I open my mouth to rebut and he holds up a hand to stop me. “Yes, all couples experience the bad. Moments when they don’t get along. It’s inevitable.” He takes my hand, brings it to his lips, and kisses each knuckle in turn. “But I’ll never wish you away, Shelly Reed. All of my good days involve you.”

He takes a deep breath and I don’t interrupt. “Shelly, you are the only shining light in my life. My life preserver. The sunshine after the rain. The one person I can count on. No matter how shitty my day has been, no matter how poorly I behave, all the bad vanishes because I have you. And I realize how unhealthy and codependent that sounds. It’s something I’ve been working on with Dr. Prince.” He closes his eyes briefly. “But I also know those deep, deep feelings are genuine. They aren’t misguided sentiments from a broken boy.”

He presses the heel of his palm to the center of his chest. “You are here. Rooted so deep.” His eyes glaze over. “I think you were here long before either of us knew. Because damn, I feel so much for you. So damn much. At times, I question my own sanity, my own mental health. But every time I do, I come up with the same result.”

“What’s that?” I whisper-ask.

His eyes roll closed for one, two, three beats. “That I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. At times, the depth of that loves scares the shit out of me. Because I’ve only truly loved one other and that ended in devastation.” He shakes his head as light laughter leaves his lips. “I fought this” —he gestures between us with his hand— “for so long. Tried to keep you in the friend zone. But fate knew better and I caved.” He leans in and presses a chaste kiss to my lips. “Loving you was inevitable, Shelly Reed. And I will keep you forever, if you let me.”

The backs of my eyes burn as tears blur my vision and emotion clogs my throat. I don’t know what to say. How to react. What to do after Devlyn just spilled his whole heart at my feet.

Every truth that left his lips wrapped itself around my heart and hugged me fiercely. I will keep those truths tucked safely in my heart for the rest of my life. His sacred, vulnerable truths. His love. Him.

Concerned as I’ve been, I knew weeks ago I would say yes to him. I will always say yes. Not to please Devlyn, but because he will never intentionally put me in an uncomfortable situation. He will never intentionally hurt me.

More than any other person, I know Devlyn. Know his heart. Know his softness and the pieces he keeps hidden from the rest of the world. His softness is one of my favorite parts. A part he reserves only for me.

“Yes.”

His eyes narrow as they study my expression, flit over the angles of my nose and jaw, home in on my eyes and lips. “Yes?” A layer of uncertainty laces his voice.

“I’ll move in,” I whisper, the words floating softly from my lips to his ears.

The moment they hit, the moment they truly sink in, his whole body shifts. Lights up. Comes alive.

His hands frame my face, thumbs brush my cheeks. Inch by inch, he eviscerates the space between us. Vivid green irises hold my sparkly dark blues. His breath warm on my lips.

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