Page 80 of Submissive Lies

“And you guys were in this relationship for three years. And you were his submissive?”

“Yes.”

“And all that time, he was fucking these other… submissives… behind your back?”

Even after all this time it still hurt.

“Yes.” I sat my empty cup down and stared across to my living room window. “It’s somewhat common in the lifestyle for some couples to engage in—”

“Jen, stop.” Thomas cut me off again abruptly. “You said you told him you were strictly monogamous. I did hear you correctly, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then why the hell do you sound as if you’re trying to defend what he did? It’s bullshit, Jen! It’s complete and utter bullshit. I don’t care what happens in the ‘lifestyle’,” he rose his fingers into air quotes, “what he did to you was wrong. Wrong. It was cheating, Jen. He cheated on you. No two ways about it.”

How easily that blade slipped between my ribs and straight into my heart.

“I… I suppose.”

“There’s no ‘suppose’. There’s no two-fucking-ways about it.”

“That’s what you meant by ‘remaking yourself.’”

“Yes.”

“And that was your plan?”

“Umhmm.”

Thomas chuckled hollowly, shaking his head.

“Not gonna lie to you, Jen. That was a pretty fucking stupid plan.”

For the first time since we’d started, I felt tears slip down my cheeks.

“I know.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” I glanced over at him. His face was serious as he stared back at me.

“Was there someone else?”

It felt as if he’d punched me. For a moment I couldn’t breathe.

Don’t tell him. Don’t tell him. Think up a lie! Quick!

“Yes. But it didn’t work out.”

I turned to him, waiting for his reaction. I watched as his hands clenched in his lap. His jaw went tight, achingly taut. I remained still as he sat in silence, rigid.

When he spoke, his voice cracked at first, then became firm.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Why?” I whispered.

“Because you deserve someone. Someone who is right for you. Who can be for you what you need. And someone out there deserves you, Jennifer.” He turned, and his gaze latched onto me. He held me with his eyes, and I waited for the blow.

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