Page 72 of Submissive Lies

I was mulling this over when Samantha and Tracy approached.

“Oh, Jen, I cannot tell you how great things went today! Thank you so much for all of your help!” Samantha was gushing, standing shoulder to shoulder with me. Arm around my waist, she gave me a tight hug. Under different circumstances I would have eaten it up. Right now, it was like nails on a chalkboard, and it took everything I had not to stiffen and pull away from her.

“Oh, I am so glad to hear that! That’s what all the hard work I put into the last few days is all about.”

“I hope you’ll come have dinner with us tonight. I’d really love to hear all about you and Thomas and catch up on other things. I have so many questions!”

She giggled as if we were going to be best friends, and it was no fault of hers that I had the sudden urge to grab her by the throat and tell her she was the one who had destroyed what I had had planned for this evening, and—no, no thank you—I would not be having dinner with her tonight. I had my own plans, and they most definitely did not include her or talking about Thomas.

“Oh, can I be honest, Sam?” I played the same card I done with Tracy, angling for sympathy. “I mentioned to Tracy earlier that I am really feeling kinda out of it today. I think some of the stress of the set-up is catching up to me. Could I take a raincheck on dinner tonight? I just need a night to recoup, and I promise I’ll be ready to go out tomorrow evening.”

Samantha smiled at me sympathetically, giving me a gentle squeeze. “Of course, Jen! Of course! I totally understand! You’ve worked so hard, and today was just fantastic! You take the night off and rest. I’m sure we can catch up tomorrow evening.”

“Thank you so much.” I smiled wearily, nodding my head. “I really appreciate it.”

After more pleasantries and thanks for all I had done, Sam and Tracy moved off to the large group that had formed at the center of the booth. I sighed, glad to have at least that one thing out of the way. Now it was just the small matter of waiting for Steve to show for the check-in. Yeah, small matter. No big deal. Just going to spill my guts out on the floor in front of him and hope that he didn’t ask to rip my heart out too.

The show now closed, the salespeople began to drift out of the exhibit. As they did, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. It was someone in a gray shirt and jeans, walking into the booth. Pulse tripling, I turned to face him.

It was Tony. With Keith trailing not far behind.

I frowned, watching in nervous silence as they approached.

Where’s Steve?

“Evening Ms. Jen,” Tony said genially, smiling. “Sorry I missed you earlier today. Everything OK? Anything you need done tonight?”

I need to know why you’re here and not Steve.

I swallowed, then shook my head, keeping the smile plastered to my face, my voice calm and level. “No, no, everything’s fine, Tony.” I took a deep breath and then tried to make my voice as casual as possible. “I think we’re good with everything for tonight. The guys can handle anything that comes up in the morning during the wipe down.”

Okay, he was too angry to come for the check-in tonight. I get it. That’s fine. Slight change in plan, but I’ll see him tomorrow morning and I can talk to him then.

Tony nodded. “OK, sounds good, Ms. Jen. Just wanted to make sure you were taken care of.” Tony inclined his head towards Keith. “Keith and Toby will be by first thing in the morning to take care of the wipe down and handle anything you need.”

No. No, that’s not right.

“Keith… and Toby.” I stammered, pulse racing like a hummingbird’s heart. Forcing myself to regain my calm, I shoved composure back into my voice. “Steve won’t be here?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, Ms. Jen. Stevie went home. He said something came up, family emergency I think, and he needed to head back early. But don’t you worry, Keith and the guys will make sure you’re taken care of. We gotcha covered.”

No.

For a second, I felt an eerie sense of disassociation. I was looking down, seeing myself standing there at the desk, Tony and Keith on the other side facing me. I froze as everything crumbled and fell to rubble at my feet. An observer watching as the final bits of my hubris piled up around me.

No. Please.

“Ah. I see.” I tried. I tried so hard not to let any emotion show in those words. I had no idea if I succeeded or not, other than Tony’s look did not change as he stood watching me. I absorbed the shock of Tony’s announcement in agonizing silence before my instincts kicked in once more.

“Well then, I’ll see the guys in the morning. Thanks, Tony.” I smiled as firmly as I could, and this time I heard something approaching poise in my voice. All phony and blandly professional as I could make it to overcome the absolute hollowness that was my soul. Tony gave me a smile as Keith stood by as impassively as ever.

“Alright then, Ms. Jen. We’ll see you in the morning!” The two men walked off, leaving me in the exhibit. Everyone else had left while we were talking, and now I was alone, unable to move.

Steve had gone home. ‘Something had come up…’ Yes something had. I had. I had come to Steve professing honesty, truth, and trust. What I had given him instead was lies and betrayal. Betrayed the trust he had put in me, deceived him about the very thing we’d spoken about that first night. He had been truthful and honest with me. I knew it in my heart. Steve had been first to tell me how this wasn’t something he did, wasn’t who he was. And then later how much being with me had meant to him. And I had rewarded that honesty and sincerity by lying, right up to the moment that life slapped him in the face with the truth of who I really was.

So, sure, something had come up. Falsehoods and treachery had come to Steve in the form of me. So, what did I expect him to do? Stay here and give me additional chances to lie to him? To create more stories and false narratives to justify what I had done? Why should he—why would he—give me that opportunity?

My dad had once taught me a lesson on fighting. He’d said ‘Sometimes, Jen, you have to know when to make a strategic retreat. There’s no sense in letting your enemy beat on you when there is nothing to be gained by standing your ground.’ I realized as I stood there what Steve had done. He’d retreated. There was nothing for him to gain by staying here. By giving me a chance to make up some sob story about how this was all just a big misunderstanding. A case of mistaken identity, or some bullshit lie like that. What would give him any cause to think that over the course of the afternoon I’d had a sudden epiphany to turn over a new leaf and stop lying now? Not a fucking thing. In his place, no reasonable person would have done anything different. Cut your losses and move on. So, he did. He got himself as far away from me and my toxic presence as he could. Back home to where he could lick his wounds in private. To forget about the cruelty of a person who had promised honesty and truth, but who had proved to be nothing more than a compulsive liar.

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