Page 69 of Submissive Lies

“Well, we should start getting everyone set up for the show. If you have any questions, please let me know and I’ll be happy to help.” I moved away from the counter with the group in tow, and we began setting up for the opening of the show.

Fifteen minutes later I was back at the reception desk, explaining to Andrew and one of the new salespeople how to use the presentation stage monitor controller when I saw the two missing women come into the booth. I watched from the corner of my eye as they approached Steve, speaking with him briefly. He nodded, pointed towards me, and then led them over. They came up and stood politely as I finished my explanation.

When Andrew and the other person had left, Tracy approached, smiling. She motioned to the woman who came up with her. “Sam, this is Jennifer Boyd, the Marcomm manager for the show. Jennifer, this is Samantha Davis, our Senior Brand Manager for the Sinaxsys product line.”

The woman reached forward for my hand, smiling brightly.

“So, you’re Jennifer! Thomas’ girlfriend!”

I froze.

“I’ve really been looking forward to meeting you!” She leaned forward and gave me one of those little hugs that people do when they want you to think you’re already old friends. “Thomas has told me so much about you. He just goes on and on about how wonderful you are!” She pulled back, letting go of my hand. “I’d wanted to meet you back in Irvine, but you know, with how hectic things have been the opportunity just never seemed to come up!”

An accident you can see coming you can prepare for. Even if it’s only for a moment or two. The worst are the ones that come from out of nowhere. The ones that blind-side you completely. In the moment those happen, in the split-second before impact, time slows. You can sense what is about to take place, feel the flood of absolute terror in anticipation of the pain you are about to suffer, and yet there is nothing you can do to stop it. You are simply left in free-fall, distanced only by the sheer knowledge that nothing you do, even if you could do something, will stop what is about to take place. It is all completely and utterly out of your control.

And then it’s over.

Suddenly time begins to move again, and there is such unbelievable chaos internally as you react to what has just taken place. The world seems to explode, and it feels almost as if you might come apart at the seams. I experienced that once when I was young. On a trip with my mother and father we were driving through an intersection when another car T-boned us. I turned my head at the exact moment the car ran the red light. I stared in horrified fascination as the front hood of the car filled the window next to where I was sitting. What had made me turn my head at that exact second, whether it was from some sound or a flash of movement, I’ll never know. I had never experienced an adrenalin induced thrill of fear in my life as I did in that millisecond. Had never felt so completely out of control of a situation until the very moment before the car slammed into us.

Until now.

There was a smile plastered onto my face. I could feel it. It felt unnatural, though, as if my skin was stretched across bones in some sort of horror movie death rictus fashion. The woman continued to speak, and at some level I was processing the words, but only on the surface. Inside… inside I wasn’t hearing anything. I could see Steve standing behind her, to one side. He had gone stiff, rigid. It was as if I could feel his body through the space that separated us. Feel the tension that coursed through him, his eyes boring into mine for a brief second before they flicked away. He no longer acknowledged me, staring off into space as if I no longer existed. I wanted to go back in time, back to a moment before this woman had opened her mouth. No, back further, back to last night, or the night before that, or over a year ago when all this had truly started. Back to the exact moment when in some sort of fucked up moment of pain I had decided that the best way to deal with what had happened to me was to start down a path of cascading lies that led to this. This right here. This moment of car crash intensity.

I couldn’t do that, of course. That’s not how life works. Life makes you own up to shit, and sometimes in the most painful way it possibly can. Life makes you see your mistakes in all their glory, and it gives fuck-all about the timing of when that happens. Nor how terrible the ramifications might be.

I stood and watched as my life slowly unraveled in excruciating detail. This woman Samantha continued to go on about Thomas, how they’d worked together at the other company, how much she loved him, what a great guy he was, it had been so good to hear when he found someone, and even better someone who worked at the same place. At one level, I was processing all of this, standing there with a smile glued to my face. Nodding when I knew I should, smiling, best professional face I could muster glued on like a cheap Halloween mask. And yet, inside, in my head, where everything that truly mattered was going on, I was completely numb.

The shock had set in.

My eyes flicked back and forth between the woman and Steve. What I saw when I glanced at him filled me with despair. He looked like he was standing at attention, on parade. His eyes were not aimed in my direction, and nothing I did appeared to catch his attention. As Samantha continued to babble on gaily, I realized he had no intention of looking at me. A moment before I’d had a brief second of fantasy that ‘Maybe he hadn’t heard her’. But now I knew that wasn’t true. Steve’s stance, the mannequin-like stiffness of his posture, the anger and betrayal that exuded from him put the lie to any notion he hadn’t heard Samantha refer to me as ‘Thomas’ girlfriend,’ and everything else she said afterwards. If I was desperately trying to maintain a professional demeanor in front of these people, Steve was matching mine no less.

It was terrible. Horrible.

Finally, Samantha stopped speaking. I responded somehow; words that must have made some degree of sense, because she smiled back at me, nodded at whatever I managed to mutter out, and then I was leading her away from the desk, away from Steve. I took her across the booth to where her other salespeople were gathered. I got them together, asked questions that meant something rational I assume, and then when they seemed to be in a good place on their own, I stepped away. Spinning, I looked back across the booth to where he’d been standing when I’d walked away.

The space was empty. There was no one there now. I whirled, taking in the entire booth in a frenzied glance.

Nothing.

Steve was gone.

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