Page 29 of Submissive Lies

“Well.” One corner of my mouth came up in a coy smile before I shied away from his scrutiny to stare at my feet. There was heat in my cheeks as I said “I’m glad you did, too.”

For a moment, we stood in silence. I kept my eyes on the concrete at my feet, but I could feel the heat of his penetrating gaze tracing over the contours of my body. As the silence grew awkward, Steve cleared his throat.

“Well, we should get back at it. You good with us proceeding with the plan we discussed before lunch?”

I looked up at him. That warm smile, the searching gaze, a look that showed nothing dismissive, nothing judgmental. If anything, it was poised, honest, and respectful. The impact of all those things was immediate, a calmness that lulled me into a sense of security playing right into everything I had come to terms with during my lunchtime epiphany.

“Yeah. Go with it.”

“Thank you.” He gave a brisk nod and an appreciative grin. I swore for a moment he was going to wink, but he turned and walked to the crew as they gathered together, ready to start back to work.

I sat at the table and did my best to get my thoughts into reasonable order. That there was a lot going on inside my head was a gross understatement. I was thinking of what had taken place at lunch. I checked my phone to see if Thomas had returned my call. Nothing. When I knew it was lunchtime there, I tried calling him on his cell.

Hi! This is Thomas. I can’t take your call right now…

“Hi. Me again. Left a message on your office phone. Could you give me a call when you have a sec. I need to talk to you, okay?” I looked down at the table, lips pursed tight. “I’m working, but don’t worry about it. Just… call me. Please.”

I ended the call. I was nervous. The longer this went without Thomas returning my call, the more I worried that I’d lose my resolve. I didn’t want that to happen. I couldn’t let that happen. I needed to ride the wave of determination I’d found in the café. Even as those thoughts whirled about inside me, I found myself watching Steve. Doing so was both frustrating and affirming. Frustrating because there was still a part of me that felt guilty for gawking at him the way I was. Affirming because I was one-hundred percent convinced he was a Dom, and the thoughts that bounced around inside my head knowing that, coupled with what had happened right before lunch, sent the occasional shiver coursing through me. If there was ever a time I could relate to the ‘right place, right time’ cliché, this was it. I didn’t know much about Mr. Friess, but I was confident in my suspicions, and those were enough to beguile me in a way I hadn’t experienced since Ben.

We were scheduled for a ten-hour day, and the crew used every hour of it. I alternated between checking my phone and stealing glances at Steve. Between those, I thought of what I was going to say to Thomas when we did speak. Hint at what was coming or be direct. As the afternoon went on, I was arguing two sides of the same coin. One part of me just wanted this over, and another part contended this had to be put off until later. The former was the one saying to cut right to the chase and be done with it. That Thomas deserved to know the truth and pretending for the balance of this trip that things were ‘just fine’ was both cruel and unnecessary. That we were adults and that continuing to lie to him was just childish and unfair.

-And if you don’t do it, it’s just another excuse to put off yet again what you’ve been doing for how long now, Jen? Hmm? Let’s be honest. You don’t have any intention of following through with this, do you?-

I do!

-Then prove it.-

I was sitting at the table lost in these thoughts when the afternoon break came up. I wasn’t aware that Steve had come over and was standing nearby until he cleared his throat.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to break your train of thought, but it’s break time.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I was just… thinking.” I waved away his explanation, looking up at him apologetically.

“We’re looking to be in really good shape, Jen. Even with the floor pocket hiccup, we seem to be back on track now. The carpet and pad are down, and I am certain we’re gonna have most of the tower set before we break tonight, if we don’t finish it completely.”

“I can see that. You guys are really busting it out.”

“Thank you. The guys are kicking it hard. I hope you’re satisfied with everything so far?”

“I have no reason not to be! That little issue this morning aside, we’re right on schedule. Can’t complain about that.”

“Good to hear. If you see anything that doesn’t look right, or anything you want to double-check on, please don’t hesitate. You aren’t going to hurt my feelings.” His face glowed with pride from my compliment, a broad smile tugging up the corners of his mouth.

“I don’t think I need to do that, Steve,” I said, my voice quiet. “I trust you.”

His eyes narrowed as I finished, and he stared for a second before nodding. I had a strong suspicion why he reacted that way. Trust was a loaded word in the BDSM community and carried a different meaning than it might for those not in the lifestyle. From his reaction, my confidence in my previous theory was only reinforced. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was having similar thoughts as I. It appeared we were on parallel paths, and that idea produced a growing sense of anticipation in me.

-For what?-

Nothing.

-Oh, right. Sure. Nothing.-

There is nothing going on here.

-Goddamn. You seriously cannot stop lying to yourself, can you?-

I am not lying to myself!

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