Page 18 of Submissive Lies

-Yes. That. Say it, Jen. Say it.-

No. No, it doesn’t need to come to that. Not yet.

-If you say so.-

The plane droned on and I shuffled the paperwork back together in a neat stack. I sipped my soda, thinking about the ‘come clean’ option. It was the one that made the most sense. Of course, that was because it was the one that was proving to be the most difficult to do. There was one other drawback to it, too.

Thomas.

Maybe he’ll understand. Maybe he’s actually into it, too. Maybe he’s been hiding it from me as much as I’ve been hiding it from him.

-Sure. You go with that.-

He’s a good man.

-And you’re a terrible woman. Good luck thinking you can drag him down to your level.-

I closed my eyes, gritting my teeth as I leaned back in the chair. I couldn’t believe I’d just thought that. Down to my level. That was utter bullshit. There was nothing wrong with my sexuality, and I wasn’t a bad person, my internal dialogue notwithstanding. But, yeah, it was a delusion to think Thomas had any of my inclinations in the bedroom. We’d been together long enough to see the likelihood of that.

He was a good man. He was also as vanilla as they came, and nothing would ever change that. Rough sex or no.

I drifted off thinking of that. My sleep was uneven, troubled. I woke twice, shifting in my seat to get comfortable before dozing off again. The final time I awoke it was to the sound of the engines shifting tone as we made our approach to O’Hare.

A simple, easy show was exactly what I needed. So I could refocus and decide what the next step in my relationship should be. Make a choice, and then follow through on it. A week to gather my thoughts, prepare myself, then do what was required, no matter how painful. For both of us.

“Yes, ma’am, I have your reservation right here.” The desk clerk tapped at her keyboard. “You’ll be staying for five days, four nights, yes?”

“Yes.”

“One key or will there be another guest staying with you?”

I smiled, shaking my head. “No. One key is fine.”

I found my room, dumped my things, then settled in for the evening. Sipping at my glass of exorbitantly overpriced red wine from the mini-bar, I went over all the files one more time.

I just wanted any easy show, so I could have time to think. No muss, no fuss.

No complications.

Famous last words.

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