Page 45 of A Love Song for Dreamers

It’s onlyphysical.

I repeat it like a mantra, hoping I’ll believeit.

“Your legs are shaking,” he rasps, his hot breath warming my already-heated skin. “I bet it’s been years since you came so hard you forgot yourname.”

I shudder into hishand.

“Bet it’s been even longer since you came so hard you forgotmyname.”

Fuck.

When we had sex before, there was always a sweetness to it. A reverence. As if we were afraid we’d lose eachother.

Now it’s as if the last shred of protectiveness between usbroke.

This isn’tsweet.

It’sanarchy.

We’re not inlove.

We’re atwar.

My first crush, my first love, my first heartbreak… He’s back, and he’s fucking me with every inch of ourbaggage.

Tyler builds me up with his lips, his tongue, hisfingers.

I’m mindless, my hands sweaty on the piano, to keep my balance or my sanity as I drown in thepleasure.

“Scream if you want,” he murmurs against my slick skin, the hand not covering my mouth tracing wet lines down the back of my thigh before gripping possessively around the top. “I’ve gotyou.”

I don’tscream.

But I docome.

In a shaking, sweaty mess of past and present, of bittersweet memories and shocking desire, Ibreak.

Pleasure washes over me in waves, each one rippling further, echoing more faintly, as my cheek sticks to the polishedwood.

The tremors leave me smooth and fresh, like sand after the tide goesout.

This was what Ineeded.

I almost believe it until Tyler leans over me, brushing back my hair to graze his lips across mycheek.

Sweet.Chaste.

Except that if I turned to catch that mouth with mine, I’d taste exactly what he did tome.

I don’t remember myname.

But I rememberhis.

10

“Doyou have questions about recovery time? The procedure? Anaesthetic?” The surgeon spreads his hands on hisdesk.

He’s for sure taking for granted the range of motion in those fingers, those palms. The sixty-something man might be a doctor, but he’s pure California. In living here the past year and a half, I’ve learned Angelenos can take for granted almostanything.

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