Page 11 of A Love Song for Dreamers

I lose my balance and wobble on the skates. “Only you would get excited at the prospect of high stakes written evaluation,” I say once I right myself. “I only have two, but I might not survive it if you take me out and I end up concussed. I have a very high center ofgravity.”

“Hope you’re talking about your huge brain… because your tits aren’t thatbig.”

I laugh, the cold air rushing down mythroat.

The ice rink in Central Park is full on a weekday afternoon. Elle, Rae and I decided to take a break from cramming for finals in the Vanier library to meet up with Pen. It feels like a spot of brightness in the horror of the pastweek.

“Your parents must be stoked you’re going home,” Icomment.

“My dad’s been asking for weeks what food I want for the holidays. Knowing my mom, she’s probably making it in small quantities so I don’t get fat. Have you talked to your dad?” Penprompts.

“No.” I think of the unanswered call I made from the hospital a week ago. “But Haley sent me an ‘exam emergency kit’, with socks and notebooks and a huge Starbucks card. At least she’s in mycorner.”

Pen’s brows rise. “Did you tell her aboutTyler?”

I stare past her at the dozens of people skating happily around the rink oblivious to what’s going on with us. “Notyet.”

Pen slides to a crisp stop thanks to the figure skating lessons she took freshman year of high school. “How ishe?”

“The wound is healing. But the cut only tells half the story. I found a list of the best physical therapists in New York, but Tyler says he can’t afford them. I told him that’s the only way he’ll be able to play again, but he shutdown.”

Motion catches my eye, and I see Elle waving from the boards with cups of something on the railing in front of her. Rae’s there too. I head for them, Pen gliding smoothly beside me as we weave through theskaters.

“I’m on to desperate measures—having sex just to get him to talk tome.”

“We’re talking about sex now? I would’ve put Baileys in this hot chocolate,” Elle comments as we pull up next to the boards. Rae hands me a steamingcup.

I’m relieved to see them. Their comfort has been steadying. If there’s a silver lining to what happened, it’s that I have real friends here to support me. Not only that, but they understand the pressure Tyler’s facing, because they signed up for it,too.

“Right now, it’s the only time I feel connected to him. Tyler’s never been the most talkative person, but… he used to talk to me. I think he talks to Beck. But I can’t help feeling like he’s slipping away. When we’re together, I don’t know if he’s lying there thinking ‘I’m lucky I’m not dead,’ or ‘I can’t believe this happened to me,’ or”—I take a breath—“‘There goes my future.’ I keep thinking it could have been worse. I could have lost him. But in a way, it feels like I alreadyhave.”

It’s the first time I’ve said those words out loud, and they gut me. The idea that he might not come back the same from this ishorrifying.

It also feels selfish. How could he be the same? Tyler will have to live with the physical consequences of that night. Even if, through some miracle, they can repair his hand and he can play the way he used to, it’ll be a long roadback.

Two empathetic faces peer back at me from under knit hats, Pen’s from between herearmuffs.

“He loves you. That much hasn’t changed, and no one can take that away,” Pen reassuresme.

When Pen heads for the benches to take off her skates, chatting with Elle as she goes, Rae stays behind, pulling something out of her jacketpocket.

“I got this foryou.”

She holds up a little souvenir Statue of Liberty figurine on a shortchain.

I take in Lady Liberty’s resolute expression. “Is this a reminder I’ll always be atourist?”

“No. It’s a reminder that New York welcomes people, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. And that grace and strength aren’t opposites. Sometimes, having both is the only way tosurvive.”

Touched, I take the tiny figure and throw my arms around Rae before she canprotest.

“Thankyou.”

“It’s not a big deal,” she mumbles back, squirming. “It was fivedollars.”

I think about the way Tyler acted after the showcase. He went inside himself and came out with the performance Beck recorded that ended up scoring him the contract withZeke.

Maybe he needs a reminder of who he is, what hedoes.

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