Page 125 of Bad Love

“You really don’t think this could work, huh?” Logan’s raw voice scrapes at myheart.

“You have no idea how much I want to say yes. If this were happening a few years ago, and if it was just about me… maybe,” I say honestly. "Most of the world does whatever they want on Rory’s birthday. But I'm his mom, and to me, that day's all about him. And someone who wants to be in my life has to do that too. He's everything tome."

I lean back, my hands gripping the chains and my eyes never leaving my son as he gets off the bike and proceeds to look at the gearsinstead.

"He's noteverything."

My gaze cuts to Logan, his beautiful hands playing with the swing chain as he stares medown.

"You have wants and needs. It's admirable what you do for your kid, and I can't pretend to know what it's like to be a parent, but don't hide behind yourchoices."

"What are you talkingabout?"

"Blake said a few things about how you split up." Ice forms in my stomach. "I don't know if they're true, but I'd like to hear from you whathappened."

I watch my kid. It's hard to believe he's nine. It feels like days ago in some ways and a lifetime ago in others. I was young and immature and full of hope and blindfaith.

"I had this idea of how life would be,” I tell Logan at last. “I wanted to fall in love with someone I was meant to be with. Blake and I were teenagers, with overblown emotions and hormones and all these expectations from our families and our church… He was the embodiment of everything I wanted. And though looking back, I realize I gave in to temptation, at the time? It felt like what I was meant todo.

“When we got pregnant, it felt like all we had was one another. But we decided to get married, both because it seemed sensible and because it relieved our families. We both had dreams, though Blake’s were about traveling all over the country and mine were about having acareer.

“I made sure we talked about all of it, and he said he understood my need to be my own person. I wanted to have my own skillsets, my own income. Not because I wanted to spend money on myself, but because I liked feeling self-sufficient.”

I can still feel the hope that girl had. The hum of excitement that everything would work out as it was meantto.

"After Rory was born, I stayed home with him while Blake was working a lot. Six months in, I raised the idea of me taking business classes. We didn't have a lot of income, but I said my parents could help look after Rory. Blake did a one-eighty and said wanted me to stay home and raise our son.” I trace my toe in the sand as I think about the way he looked at me as if I was crazy. "For a while, I tried to go with it. I know Blake gave things up to be with me, opportunities at work. I thought if I tried hard enough, maybe it would beokay.

“But over time, I realized Blake giving up opportunities had nothing to do with me. He didn’t want to change, or take more training, or work more hours in the short term in exchange for something bigger longterm.

"I knew I had to do something. That left to his own devices, Blake wouldn’t be able to take care of us. So, I started figuring things out on my own. My parents had said they’d take Rory, but that was more in theory than in practice. They love him, but they were busy with church activities or running around for my brothers. So, I found a babysitter while I took an online class at communitycollege.

“Blake found out, and we argued. But then he told my parents, and everyone at church, that I was a bad mother. Over the next year while I was taking classes toward a diploma in marketing, he acted like I was deceptive. Like I'd trapped him even though we’d talked about me working from thebeginning.

“It all came to a head when he got offered a job in Colorado. It was the same level he was at, with a company that was already on shaky ground. But he’d always wanted to travelthere.

“I’d been doing some research, taking interviews. I was offered a job in marketing in New York. It paid more than Blake’s job, which infuriated him. I knew I had to make a decision." I swallow as I lift my gaze to find Logan watching me. "I left him and took Rory with me. My dad and the church, they all took his side. I was the black sheep, the one who’d turned my back on them. A bad wife. A bad mother." I take a steadyingbreath.

Logan’s gaze cuts to Rory still walking the bikearound.

"I'm sorry Blake didn’t hold up his end of the bargain. And that the people who raised you rejectedyou."

"I got over it," I saysoftly.

"You didn’t.” My back stiffens at his easy response. “You're not over it, or you wouldn't be hiding who you are. You wouldn't be afraid to live how you want.” Logan stands, reaching into his pocket, and holds something out as he stops in front of me. "Are you afraid I'll let you down? Or are you afraid of what they'll say if Ido?"

My hands grip the chains as I shift out of the swing to stand, my feet slipping in thesand.

"I'll do the best I can, Kendall. But you have to give me that chance." Logan drops his mouth to mine. It's gone the second I register the feel of his warm, familiarlips.

When I blink my eyes open, he's half a dozen steps away, and my hand is closed around a piece ofplastic.

28

Three setsof eyes look up as I enter the penthouse at the Charlotte, and the laughter fallssilent.

"Surprised to see you, Hunter. Monty figured you wouldn't make it," Tannercomments.

"It's poker night." I grab the unused Herman Miller task chair from the office portion of the suite and drag it to the table in the living room. My back sinks into themesh.

---