Page 42 of Avoidance

“That hurts,” I said through gritted teeth.

“Are you drunk right now?” He undoubtedly smelled it on my breath.

“No!” I said defensively.

“What did you have tonight?” His tone was especially pointed.

“I had a couple of shots. That’s it.”

“I thought you were going to take it easy with that.”

“No, youtoldme to take it easy.” I pulled my foot away from him, growing more furious by the second. “I’m sorry I woke you up, but I can’t help it if I tripped. It was an accident.”

He stood, crossing his arms over his bare chest. “You could have helped it if you were sober.”

I looked around until I spotted a pair of his shoes lying on the floor nearby. “I tripped over these!” I hurled one of his size twelves at him. “And that’s why I fell into the stool!”

His expression wavered for a moment, realizing his part in the incident. “It doesn’t change the fact that you’re drunk. Again.” He sighed. “You know, I told myself to let it go, but I can’t watch you do this to yourself anymore, Merritt!”

My eyes rolled. “You make it sound like I’m an alcoholic. Everybody drinks when they go out, including you! Stop making a big deal out of this. Everything is fine.”

“Everything is not fine!”

He shouted so loud, it made me jump. I felt tears threatening to make an appearance. I held my breath, willing them to stay behind my lids. “What do you want me to say?”

Chase ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated. “I want you to talk to me.”

“I am talking to you. You’re not listening.”

“I hear what you’re saying, but it doesn’t match your actions. I know this move has been hard for you, but don’t go down this path. I don’t want you to turn…” He stopped before finishing his sentence.

“You don’t want me to turn into who?”

“Look–”

“No, finish your sentence! You don’t want me to turn into who? Say it, Chase!”

“I don’t want you to turn into your father!” His shoulders fell after he let it out. “Is that so bad?”

I looked down at my toe. It was beginning to turn a deep shade of purple. “I need to put ice on my toe.” I began to stand. Chase leaned down to help me up, but I swatted him away. “I don’t need your help!”

The old familiar words just slipped out. He looked so hurt that it nearly broke my heart. I wanted to jump into his arms and tell him that I was sorry; I wanted to make it better, but in order to do that, I had to tell him the truth.

“Fine. I don’t need this shit! I have an early meeting tomorrow.” He turned his back, and walked into the bedroom.

The tears I had been holding in finally surfaced. I remained on the floor, covering my mouth with my hand in an attempt to muffle the sound.

Several minutes later, Chase came back out of the bedroom. He rushed over to me when he saw that I was crying. He wrapped his arms around me and held me while I sobbed against his warm skin. “Please talk to me. I just want to know what’s going on with you.”

“I just… I’m having a hard time lately.”

“With what?” He pulled me away so he could look at me. He brushed his fingers over my forehead lovingly. “Please tell me what is going on in there.”

“I’ve been having nightmares again.”

“About your accident?”

I shook my head. “It’s different. I’m stuck at the bottom of our staircase. I can’t see upstairs, but I know that I can’t go up that way. I try to open the door to get into the bar, but it won’t open. I bang and kick and scream, but all I hear is complete silence. I call for you, but you’re not there. There’s nobody there, and I can’t get out.”

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