Page 84 of Naive in Love

“I love you too. I just had a harder time admitting it to myself than you did.” Our lips brush as I say the words.

I make my way to the floor with him, wanting to be wrapped up in him. I listen to the thump in his chest where I rest my head.

“Baby, I don’t like that Caleb came over here unannounced. The guys told me what he was like that night you were fighting outside the bar. I don’t think it’s safe.” He rests his chin on the top of my head.

“I didn’t like that he wouldn’t leave even when I asked him. It took Lena getting home for him to walk out the door.”

“What?” He pries us apart. "What do you mean, for him to walk out the door? He was inside the apartment?" His face fills simultaneously with anger and worry.

"When I answered the door and opened it, he just walked in uninvited. I asked him to leave a few times, told him we were over, but he kept insisting I needed to give him another chance."

"Baby girl, please, please do not open the door to anyone before asking who is there. Like I said, the guys told me how he was handling you that night. It makes me uncomfortable for you to be alone with him. Especially if he is mad. It's not safe." The pleading in his voice sounds desperate.

I can’t tell him about how he grabbed me again. Ethan will lose it. “I promise. I don't want him in my apartment either.”

“Good. Please always ask who is at the door. Especially if you’re here alone. I don't want him coming in uninvited again.” He holds me for a few more moments before he says, “You were working before all this. Get your stuff and back to homework.”

He pulls a book out of his bag and lays it on the minuscule portion of the bed that is clear of my research mess. He reads and I work for over an hour before I decide to call it quits for the night. I have been completely consumed by my project and had not looked in Ethan's direction. When I look at him casually laying on my bed, I realize how normal this feels. Us being together has always felt right. The unspoken ties that bring us together when we are apart are becoming more pronounced.

He lowers his book just a bit for his eyes to catch me watching him. A cocky smirk slowly emerges before he smugly asks, “What are you staring at?” He places his book down beside him.

“You. As if you didn’t know.”

“What are you thinking about?” he asks, seeming to be genuinely interested.

“Us,” I answer while I begin to gather my things, clearing the bed.

“What specifically aboutusare you thinking about?”

“How comfortable and natural we are with each other. It's always been like this between us.” I get up from the bed to place my work on the small desk.

He waits until I sit on the bed again, then continues. “I know. From the first time I was around you at The Shack on your birthday I have felt this ease around you. To be honest, it weirded me out at first. Then I just wanted to be around you. I wanted to feel the calm you bring.” I crawl closer to him, laying down on my side and propping my head with my arm.

“I’m sorry.” The decisions I made fill me with sadness. I was the one that caused us so much unnecessary pain.

“No more sorrys. Let it go, baby girl. You and me, we will not live in the past.” He pauses for a moment before continuing. “I may regret asking this, but…what you mentioned earlier…about your first time.” His jaw is working and clenching. I let him take the time he needs to ask whatever is on his mind. “When you said it wasn’t what you expected…did he hurt you?”

“No… Well, yes. But…do we have to talk about this? It’s in the past. Don’t worry about it.” I cannot believe he just asked about it.

“But I am worried about it. When you brought it up earlier, well, I was caught off guard. I didn’t want to hear about it and have the images. But I can’t get it out of my head, worrying he hurt you. What do you mean by yes?”

I roll onto my stomach placing my arm over my face, hiding. “Pain in the physical sense. I was expecting it to be maybe uncomfortable, but it downright hurt. And I guess I was put off because…” I catch myself, almost divulging too much.

“Finish.”

I refuse to move my arm. How can I admit this to him without putting pressure on him when we are in that situation?

“It’s just that he was so nonchalant about it. Kind of like he didn’t care. Which now I know he probably didn’t.” I’m embarrassed at my inexperience.

Ethan is trailing soft kisses down my arm mumbling, “Will you please look at me?”

I slowly move to rest my head on my crossed arms.

“I didn’t ask you this to embarrass you. I asked because I don’t trust him. I never have.” I just nod my head in understanding. “And I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. It may never have happened if I had just admitted my feelings to you. But I didn’t want to scare you or have you pull away. And then I was a jerk about it. I’m sorry.”

“You’re not responsible for what happened. You’ve never had to be responsible, yet you still jump in. Please. Can we talk about something else?”

“Sort of. Last night you mentioned he had you thinking crazy. What did you mean?”

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