Page 82 of Finding Their Place

Rather than waiting for an invite, I moved forward, forcing him to make way unless he wanted to get bowled over.

“Oh,” I said casually while moving into the foyer, “and I’m going to need a couple of Lionel Landscaping work shirts, boss.”

27

Haley

I stood in the shower until the water ran cold, my tongue between my teeth to keep from sobbing to relieve the absolute fucking agony gripping my head and heart. The fight or flight had kicked in, and I’d needed time to process what had gone down in less than twelve hours.

The bathroom gave me the privacy to set this straight in my head.

Even though Garrett had lied to me before knowing about my past, my triggers with that shit, I still felt betrayed. He should have spoken up sooner. Should have just told the damn truth from the very beginning.

I’d have let him stay since I’d been desperate too.

Goddamn him for ruining one of the best things in my life.

Longing to call out to him tugged on my heartstrings more than once while I fought off tears and the heavy blackness in the back of my mind.

I hoped he would be gone when I exited the bathroom.

I prayed he would be on the couch waiting to beg forgiveness and help me push against the depression attempting to swallow me whole.

I wanted to slap his face and kiss his lips.

Curl up against his body and let his arms take my sadness away as they always did.

The apartment sat empty, silent as a tomb when I pulled the bathroom door open. I finally allowed the tears to fall and collapsed onto my bed to wallow in my misery.

My pillow smelled like him.

Like Wyatt.

And I clutched that motherfucking feather bag to my tight chest as the sobs broke loose.

How could the most glorious night of my life morph into such tragic pain? Wyatt had walked out without a goodbye. Garrett had left because I’d told him to.

I went from two lovers to zero in one night.

Same as I’d gone from two parents—even if they had both been assholes—to zero within hours.

The wounds of my childhood rose up with choking force, heaping atop the shit I’d learned since opening my eyes. From the highest high to the darkest depths…depression’s glee cackled in my head like a living voice, flooding me with fear.

I won’t be like Mom.

“Goddamnit!” I shrieked and tossed the pillow onto the floor, feeling like I was going to lose my mind. “Fucking hell!”

Anger lit in my guts, and I grabbed hold of it in my helplessness, clutching to it as a barrier against the claws of darkness trying to pull me under, determined to take my mind like it had done to my mother.

My cell still sat on the bedstand, and I grabbed it up, heading toward the living room where I wouldn’t have a visual reminder of the night before.

Lily answered, thank fuck.

“He lied to me,” I whispered past the tightness choking off my air and broke into tears again.

“What’s going on? Are you okay?”

“No!” I gulped a breath, just the sound of her voice weakening my defenses to keep from sobbing. “He’s n-not gay. He l-lied so I would rent him your old room.”

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