Page 3 of Finding Their Place

Landing the manager role had been huge for me, but I put up with a lot of bullshit in order to keep it—including Gretchen’s selfishness serving as a daily reminder of how my parents had been.

Since birth, they had left me alone to wade through the waters of my existence. Without a footing, without a floatie, I’d floundered. Still did. I had no damn clue where my life headed or how to get there.

I needed a true north holding onto my hand—as did Garrett.

My roommate and I were identical twins when it came to feeling as though we aimlessly wandered the earth without direction. We both had jobs but hated them in equal measures.

Garrett pulled the pop from his mouth with a smacking noise and licked his lips free of the cherry flavor I could smell on his breath. “Tell Gretchen to either hire another part-time manager to help carry your load or give you a pay raise. You work too damn hard and get taken advantage so easily.”

“It’s my own fault,” I muttered.

Garrett’s eyelids shot open, and he frowned up at me. “So then do something about it, Hal.” He used his candy like a pointer at my face. “Your complaints are going to continue to be the same every day unless you stand up for yourself.”

Something I’d never been able to do. Mom’s mental illness had fucked me up to the point I didn’t know how to defend myself. She’d battered me emotionally until I had shut down and became that quiet child who walked on eggshells to keep the peace between her and Dad—who also couldn’t get his head out of his ass to recognize another soul suffered at her hands along with him.

Mom’s downfall had started with depression, which led to narcissism, manipulation, and lies. She’d finally tumbled off the deep end and landed in a psych ward where she couldn’t continue to tear me to shreds.

My problem? The damage had been done, and I couldn’t afford therapy. Add in the fact bleakness had started to hover over me as well, and I clung to whatever other emotions I could to keep it from taking me on the same path she’d gone.

Pissiness became my favorite teddy bear, and I clung to it internally.

Stubbornly so.

“I’ll tell her tomorrow,” I stated firmly even though I knew I wouldn’t.

Garrett popped the stick back between his teeth and grinned at me. “That’s my girl.”

I swallowed some more wine at his word usage. My girl.

If only.

“Any luck today?” I asked, needing to change the subject from my aggravation.

Garrett’s lips parted as he let out a heavy exhale, and I got caught up in imagining them running over my neck, my breasts, his red-stained tongue leaving behind a damp, sticky trail along my skin.

Stop, Haley.

I swigged my wine again, tearing my focus off the face I wanted to lick as much as the rest of his body.

“None,” he finally answered. “Both open calls I went to were a bust, and that agent looking for new clients didn’t do more than hear my name before turning me away. I swear, it’s like I’m beating my head against the wall.”

Garrett had moved from Pennsylvania to California with dreams of being on the big screen like thousands of other wannabe actors did every year. He’d landed a couple commercials, then had fallen into bed with an up-and-coming producer who’d promised all sorts of shit.

The shit had never panned out, but a different pile of poo hit the fan, one he refused to share with me no matter how much I asked. Garrett ended up getting his ass tossed out of their home and living in his car for a week.

Enter my post about needing a roommate of the female sort, and in desperation, he’d begged, assuring me of his gayness.

Melancholic over Lily leaving me, Garrett’s pitiful eyes, and the fact he wouldn’t ever attempt to manipulate his way into my pants made the choice an easy one.

Eight months after moving in, he’d become as necessary in my aimless life as coffee.

No…wine.

Yeah.

Okay, so maybe both—definitely a codependency which I greedily wished was more.

I swallowed down the rest of my chardonnay and leaned forward to put my empty glass on the coffee table. My unbound breast pressed against his cheek.

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