Page 101 of Finding Their Place

Empathy for what Garrett had gone through with Alec flooded through me, and my stare on my bedroom ceiling went hazy from tears.

I needed Lily, but she was still in Mexico. Lingering resentment and bitterness toward Garrett and Wyatt kept me from reaching out for them too.

Wine.

Groaning, I rolled from my bed and shuffled into the kitchen on weary feet.

My cell rang from my bedroom as I fought with the stubborn cork, but I could barely find the energy to open the damn bottle let alone rush back to answer. Not that it would have been anyone with a job offer. All businesses of interest for my job hunt weren’t still open after eleven at night.

The cork gave way, and I cursed in relief, turning for my bedroom, fully planning to drink straight from the bottle.

My cell sat on my bedside table, and I took a long swallow of my wine before lifting my phone to see who had called.

Wyatt.

I choked on a sudden sob, my hand trembling.

He’d left a message.

Slumping onto the edge of my bed, I considered deleting it without listening, but the jagged rocks where my emotions had landed left me bleeding, needy in a way I’d never known. Perhaps I’d overreacted. Perhaps I’d gone Mom’s route a little too far in my selfishness, leaving others to bleed out.

Swallowing hard, I pressed play and lifted my phone to my ear.

“Hey.”

Wyatt had cleared his throat as though nervous, but that single rumbled word sent a tear down my cheek.

“Blaine called me earlier today and told me about your mom’s passing. I know you couldn’t give two shits about her, but I wanted to reach out to make sure that you’re doing okay. I told Garrett, and even though I know you’re holding onto your anger toward him, he’s really hurting. He doesn’t remember his own mom, but…”

He let out a heavy exhale as fresh pain lanced through my chest over Garrett suffering for me.

“I know you fear becoming your mom, Haley,” Wyatt continued while I curled in on myself, wetness coating my cheeks. “You’re not her and never will be. You’re far from a narcissist, and while you’re stubborn as hell, you aren’t selfish like she was.”

I also wasn’t psychotic. Didn’t have the same triggers or tendencies when I didn’t get my way or make mistakes.

I owned that shit—but I hadn’t. Biting back sobs, I listened to Wyatt’s voice that flooded me with warmth.

“You’re also strong. Resilient. But you shouldn’t have to deal with whatever you’re feeling right now alone. Garrett needs you—same as you do him.”

The northern star I’d turned away from gently pulled on my focus, steering my course toward what would help see me through.

I hoped Wyatt’s message would continue on, and he would tell me how much he needed me, how desperate he was to hold my hand too.

“Garrett dropped his phone at work today, and it’s not turning on, so please call him on my cell,” Wyatt whispered—then hung up without saying goodbye.

The suppressed sobs ripped through me as I clutched my cell to my aching chest. Emotions ran through me like a damn tidal wave, attempting to pull me under.

Regret for not standing up for myself to my mom when I was younger—and for never talking to my dad about how much his leaving had hurt me. Keeping feelings and thoughts bottled up didn’t resolve issues, and I had no one to blame for my emotional lowest but myself.

Sorrow for turning away from two of the deepest connections I’d ever made in my life, two men who had accepted me for who I was prickliness and all. Talk about a fucking mistake.

Was it too late to make amends? Set shit straight?

Mom had already decided the first choice for me. Although I doubted I would ever be able to forgive her fully in my heart, I had to remember she had been ill. Yes, she’d made her choices and the bed that had offered her a cowardly way to escape her sick mind, but no longer would I tell myself she deserved that lonely death and so much more.

I imagined she’d hit the depths of despair like I’d been wallowing in—but like Wyatt had said, I was stronger than her. I didn’t have any signs of psychosis or personality disorders.

A sense of lightness spread through my limbs, and I scrubbed a hand over my face, I focused on breathing deeply, ending the tears.

---