Page 47 of Seeking Two Lovers

“What’s on your mind?” Lily prompted when I couldn’t find an answer.

“That we hardly know each other but we share the same past. You understand what’s in here.” I tapped at my head. “You scare the fuck out of me, but I kind of like it.”

She smirked. “I scare you, huh?”

“In the best way possible.”

Her smile faded, and blinking, she glanced away.

“Hey.” I grasped her chin without thought, same as Grey often did to me, turning her to face me. “I’m not comfortable around too many people, and even though I’m nervous as hell around you, you also make it easy for me to be myself. I only have that with Grey, and he’s like…a staple in my life.”

“Grey?”

“My best friend.” My focus dropped to her mouth and back up with jarring force for my mind. “I really want to kiss you again.”

The light and laughter returned to brighten her eyes. “You’re giving my brain whiplash.”

“Can I?”

She closed the distance between our mouths, her small hands grasping at my shirt. That sense of rightness rushed through me once more at the softest touch, the sweetness of her on my tongue.

I wanted to lay her back on the couch, cover her with my weight. Touch and taste every inch of her skin. Slide my aching length inside her body like my tongue did with her mouth.

You belong to me.

Shivers rushed over me at the echoed words from my past, tensing my muscles. Instinct pulled me away from Lily before my brain caught up to what I did.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her fingers falling from my face as I leaned back.

Grey isn’t here. Fuck, I can’t do this…

“N-nothing.” I let out a nervous laugh, rubbing my palms down my jeans as I scrambled to get a hold of myself. My pulse thundered in my neck as darkness pressed upward like a bubbling cauldron. “Um…bathroom?”

“Second door on the right,” she said, motioning toward the hallway, and I hopped up the best my throbbing balls allowed. Of course, they wouldn’t shrivel at the hated words. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I choked out. “Be right back.”

Why couldn’t I make a move on my own when those voices rose? Why did I need to grab onto that damn life jacket within seconds of finally letting go?

The answer to that last question sat heavy in my chest, memories fighting to escape the box I’d buried inside my mind.

Grey was the only one who gave me the freedom to choose when it came to sex.

I couldn’t fucking handle it without him, couldn’t get over the…speed bump Quell and his wife had erected between me and taking pleasure because I wanted it.

Would I ever be able to hold that key on my own, or was I destined to need Grey for the rest of my days?

That thought didn’t bother me—in fact, it only made me wish for him all the more. He was comfort and home to me.

Always would be.

For the first time, I admitted to the truth that I didn’t want a life without him, woman in the picture or not.

He’d texted, I noticed after shutting myself away in Lily’s bathroom to get a grip on my focus. He’d invited me down for Meryl’s birthday cake, and I felt guilty as fuck for keeping the truth from him. He assumed I sat in my room, sheltered away from his group of friends.

So, I met this girl, he replied after I declined.

I stared at that message, wishing I was ready to tell him I’d done the same and how I wanted to invite her home to meet him.

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