Page 9 of Taking

She was also aware of the fact that I didn’t enjoy sex, that only the sharpest of pain inflicted by Lloyd had ever roused that part of me after Gideon’s arrest. Or perhaps it was Gideon’s touch that had ruined me first.

Either way, life had been so easy before Gideon’s arrest. Nothing to truly worry over…

“It’s time to move on.” Ciarra grasped my wrist and squeezed lightly, keeping me grounded in the present rather than wilting beneath my past’s dark memories.

I knew she spoke the truth, but the idea of trying again chilled me through. “I’m broken beyond repair.”

“You’re not,” she snipped, straightening in her chair. “You’re beautiful. Caring. Empathetic and worthy of a good man’s love. Hell,” she said, snorting a huffed laugh, “you deserve it for all the shit fate has dished out on you.”

My lips tilted upward as I remembered slamming my knee into Lloyd’s nose. “I do, don’t I?”

“Karma ought to be on her knees begging your forgiveness.” Her green eyes blazed, and I found my smile widening, warmth growing inside me “You’re so damn stubborn—you’re always telling yourself that you’re broken when in reality, you won’t allow yourself the chance to evolve. Or even try to change for that matter.”

“I went to therapy, and I dated two guys.”

“Two guys. Two dicks. You need to experience a hell of a lot more than that to move on sexually.”

“Says the woman who’s been dating the same guy she lost her virginity to last year.”

Ciarra’s cheeks flushed. “When you find the one who twitterpates your heart, you know.”

“Twitterpates.” I snorted. Ciarra and her love of older animated movies cracked me up. “You’re the only person I trust, you know,” I told her, my smile fading as another ex-friend who had enjoyed movies came to mind, weighing me down. The one who had betrayed me.

“And I wish I had a second brother to cherish you so I could call you my sister for real.”

Forcing away thoughts of Jenny, I considered Ciarra’s words. Her one older brother, Roan, had found his love in the wilds of Alaska—and they lived off grid with their two kids closer to Fairbanks. Ciarra had grown up on an even more primitive homestead but had sought a different life once she had turned eighteen, got her GED, and decided on college.

We met when I’d been fresh out of Lloyd and Mother’s home. I’d been hesitant to trust, but like with the wild critters from her homestead, she wooed me in. Once she broke through my aversion to be vulnerable again, I clung to her with all my might—and she continued to allow it even when I lost myself to moments of remembered horror.

The Addilyn Whisperer, I called her, my Ciarra Kelly.

“You are my sister,” I told her, my throat tightening up.

“And because you love me,” she said with a wink, “you’re going to trust me on this. Go out with Leo. Let him buy you dinner. It can be a simple baby step—he won’t push for more. He’s not that type.”

“You’re sure?” I had no room in my life for anyone remotely like Lloyd—even if no one had managed to arouse my body since.

“I’m sure,” she stated with a smile, without a doubt knowing exactly what I thought. “Give it a shot, Addilyn.”

Baby steps…simple dinner.

I could do small talk if there was no expectation of connecting or fucking.

Letting out a heavy exhale, I nodded. “Okay.”

“Yes!” Ciarra squealed. “He’s such a sweetie! You’re going to love him. Everything will work out, Addilyn. I promise.”

I’d been promised so many damn things over the years…and the only one to keep his word had been ripped away from me. Hated me.

My throat clogged again, and I stood, taking the remains of my breakfast to the trash barrel.

* * *

We trudged through two inches of fresh snow on the uncleared sidewalks toward class, bundled up against the winter weather. I breathed deeply, the sting of cold up through my nostrils and filling my lungs making me feel alive, something I struggled with on a daily basis.

“It’s been two weeks,” Ciarra said from beside me. “Do you think he’s decided to let you go?”

My lips thinned at the reminder of Lloyd and what had transpired over the reading of Mother’s will. I’d come home and told Ciarra—and she held me as I sobbed until I passed out.

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