He turned out to be a decent guy, a jokester who made me almost laugh twice more before our pizza arrived.
Kind like my best friend had stated.
He would never hurt me like I needed to feel arousal though. No sick words like those spewed by Lloyd that my body reacted to regardless of my hatred for him. Leo wouldn’t hold me down and fuck me until I bled. Leo wouldn’t fist a hand in my hair to keep me still while gagging me with his dick.
A good guy.
Not what my body wanted, unfortunately, even though my mind yearned for such a normal connection. And as that truth evolved and solidified in my mind, I found myself growing quieter. Short one-worded answers about school, studies, plans for the future…all the usual get-to-know-you type shit people conversed about on a first date.
I’d made a mess of the first few I’d attempted throughout the years, and I doubted Leo, even with his sweetness, would end differently. But our failure to find common ground wouldn’t be his.
It’s me…
“Hey.”
I looked up from the slice of pizza I’d managed to mostly eat. Those soft blue eyes flitted over my face.
“You okay?”
“I’m broken,” I heard myself spew.
His eyebrows twitched into the first frown I’d seen on his face. “Want to talk about it?”
“Not really,” I whispered, shifting on my seat. Silence settled for a few seconds, and I couldn’t hold his gaze. The oil atop my pepperoni pizza had coagulated into an orange smear.
My stomach rolled.
“Ciarra told me to not have any expectations,” Leo said slowly, as though hoping to not spook me. “It’s hard not to with how beautiful you are, how sweet and shy you seem. You’re like an onion—in the best way, I mean. All these layers I imagine covering up the diamond inside.”
Eyes welling and heart aching, I glanced up, wishing—wishing—he imagined correctly. “There’s no jewel at my center, Leo. Whatever had been there got crushed years ago.”
His lips thinned. “Someone hurt you, didn’t they?”
Gratitude for his anger for me, a mere stranger, allowed me to take yet another baby step.
“I could use a friend,” I whispered, rather than answering his question.
He flashed a smirk even though I’d rejected him. “Any chance of more down the road?”
“No.” I didn’t withhold my truth.
“What is it about me that gets me friend-zoned every single time?” Leo asked with a laugh, sitting back with his hands on his thighs. Hardly broken-hearted. Guess he hadn’t felt a real connection either.
“You’re too kind. Sweet. Sensitive.”
“So, you’re saying I should let out my darker side?” The waggle of his eyebrows caused something to bubble up inside me, and I found myself laughing lightly. “Pretend I’m some alpha asshole like my sister’s book boyfriends?”
“No to all that,” I told him, still smiling. “You’re perfect just the way you are. Your future partner needs you to complement them.”
“You believe in fate, huh?”
I shrugged, my past barreling over me like it always did whenever life allowed me moments of reprieve from depression. Fate had hurt me, but she’d also used me to inflict the same upon others. “Not really, but without at least a grain of hope inside our hearts to clutch onto, what else is there?”
Leo’s smile faded as he studied my face. “You cling to that grain, my friend. Don’t ever let go.”
I nodded, knowing to release my hold on thoughts of a better life would lead to the darkness that had caused Mother to drink and go through men like toilet paper.
A few minutes later, me and my new friend bundled against the cold.