Page 35 of Bind Me, Sir

She considered me for a time, and nodded as though coming to a conclusion of her own. “You ran off because you’re scared, because feelings of guilt—wrongly believing you’re a selfish person for having enjoyed an evening of release.”

I opened my mouth, but snapped it shut.

“Tell me about Luna,” Lily said, thankfully giving me something else to focus on.

I filled her in over the weekend’s details, and she shared my thoughts on the jail time my sister would probably face. What else could possibly come from a guilty plea?

“It’s the best place for her,” Lily said, agreeing with what Jordan had told me Friday night.

“She’ll end up with dozens of other troubled women, learning God knows what kind of lifestyle.” I shivered at the thought of tattoos, piercings, and even more foul words than what already colored her language. “I can’t let her go to jail. I can’t.”

“But she’ll get sober.” Lily smiled.

I nodded and picked at a loose string on the edge of my blouse. “If she spends time behind bars, I’ll have failed my mom.”

“Bullshit,” Lily snapped, her smile gone in a snap. “You’ve done everything you can by example. It’s Luna’s bad decisions that led her to this point.”

“I should have done more.”

“You’re going to do more,” Lily declared, “but this time, it’s going to be for yourself for a change.”

I considered what I had yet to think of up to this point—with Luna gone, my responsibilities wouldn’t include more than me, myself, and I. “What will I do with my spare time without someone to constantly worry over?” I murmured, feelings of floundering in life’s sea swelling over me.

“Enjoy the hell out of your life.”

Jerking my head up, I considered Lily’s suggestion. To that point, all I had been worrying about was my sister and the bars she would live behind, the emotional upheaval she would experience away from my care.

“A year is a long time,” I murmured, my thoughts flitting to Jordan.

“Not nearly long enough—so why wait until she’s in jail to get started?” Lily stood and beckoned me to follow her to work. “Jordan was devastated you’d left him like that.”

My old friend guilt slammed into me once more.

“I’ve watched him scene with countless other women, but he’s never looked at a woman like he does you,” Lily said, shuffling into the hallway.

My pulse kicked up a few notches as I hurried after her. “How’s that?”

“Like he wants to sit at your feet and worship you.”

I stumbled, blinking, wondering if I’d heard right.

We settled in the office, but Lily wasn’t done. She peered at me until I shifted. “What?”

“You’ve got the chance of a lifetime in front of your nose, Natalie. Don’t mess this up.”

We immediately dove into work, but her words haunted me throughout the day. Even though I craved the church and submitting to Jordan’s touch, I reminded myself of the commitment I had made to my sister—my blood—the only family I had left.

I wouldn’t toss her away the next three weeks for the mere chance at a relationship, even if Jordan did have money, fame, and too much gorgeousness for his own good.

No, I would wait. Focus on responsibilities. And the day Luna left for time behind bars—time for, hopefully, maturity to set in—I would consider reaching out to Jordan. I just hoped he wouldn’t get snatched up by some skinny bitch model or rich girl in the meantime.

And if he did, if Lily had been wrong about how he looked at me, then I would bear my broken heart in silence and consider a dating app or two—when and if I ever got over Jordan Graystone. Stomach churning over that thought, I pushed that idea aside as well.

One day at a time.

Chapter Nineteen

Jordan

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