Page 20 of Bind Me, Sir

Every inch of my skin burned as fire raced through my bloodstream. My stomach jittered to the point I couldn’t even swallow against the nerves coursing upward. I couldn’t think straight and wasn’t quite sure I wanted to, either.

I’d certainly never had someone worship me in such a way—but I definitely wished for that very thing. Hadn’t I told him my secret fantasy?

“I-I don’t have time for such things,” I heard myself say rather than admit to what I’d been dreaming about since I’d met him a few weeks earlier.

“But you said yourself that you fantasize for such a man.”

“Yes, but I’ve dedicated my life to caring for my sister,” I reminded him, trying not to sound too depressed.

“Surely you do things for yourself on occasion,” he murmured, his lips snagging my attention.

I never did. Every decision I made, every step forward, I had Luna in mind. Her welfare, her feelings, her mental and physical health. I shook my head in answer to his question, admitting the truth of my existence. My throat swelled, but I pushed against the bitterness wanting to root in my heart.

“I’m sorry.” I stood, purse grasped to my churning middle and hurried from the room before the threatening tears rolled down my cheeks.

Jordan didn’t call after me, but allowed me my escape. I made it to the office before breaking down, purse tossed aside and hands over my eyes, sobs ripping from my chest. Self-pity, something I rarely allowed myself, flooded through me, and I fought to find an anchor to hold.

I’d given up my life for Luna, all my childhood hopes and dreams of a knight in shining armor who would love me and give me the children I longed for. She lived her life seemingly without regret, an angry, bitter soul who refused help, who refused to see beyond her own nose.

My sacrifices went unnoticed, unappreciated. But, my sister was also my penitence in some way, and I refused to resent her.

I needed to focus on my life’s mission, and perhaps one day when my faults were atoned for, I might have the opportunity to live a life of my own. In the meantime, I would content myself with dreams—of Jordan Graystone.

Resignation twisted my heart anew, but I dried my eyes and forced myself to pick up where Lily and I had let off with our work the day before.

“Would you like to stay for dinner tonight?” Lily asked me as we finished up for the day. “We’re having roast duckling.”

Of course Lily ordered my favorite dish I’d admitted to loving but never being able to afford. I narrowed my gaze while peering at her coy smirk and twinkling eyes. “What you’re trying to do will not work.”

“Why ever not?”

“You know my life’s responsibilities. I have no time for such things.”

“With your sister in detox for a few weeks, you most certainly do have time.”

“I can’t.”

“Give yourself tonight, Natalie. Enjoy the hell out of the next couple of hours. God knows you deserve some time for yourself.”

I put away the papers on my desk, shuffling and arranging what I’d already organized while giving myself time to think. Jordan had suggested I do something similar, but guilt over being that kind of selfish wormed its way into my head.

“I don’t have anything to wear,” I murmured rather than flat out turn down her request.

“We’re having an informal dinner in the sunroom, so you’re dress is perfectly acceptable.”

I had no other excuse—and Lily knew it. “Okay.”

She all but squealed and clapped her hands together. “Lovely.”

“Just dinner,” I told her, trying for a stern look. “Then promise me you’ll be done with these matchmaking ideas.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said with a snooty air while turning back to her laptop.

“Sure you don’t,” I muttered, annoyed with myself for giving in—yet excited to spend more time with a man thoroughly capable of breaking my heart.

Two hours later, I found myself smiling while tidying up Lily’s office for the day. She’d left me moments earlier to freshen up for dinner, her excitement over our upcoming dinner matching the feelings coursing through me.

Dinner and perhaps a glass of wine while sitting with Mr. Graystone and my employers…

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