Page 42 of Heart Set on You

The memories of that day have never faded. All these years later, they remain clear and sharp in my mind. “My parents died when I was 13.” My voice shakes, but I continue. “It was devastating. Not only for me, but my brothers and my grandparents. They died instantly. They never suffered. Thank God.”

“We don’t have to talk about it. I’m sorry if I upset you. I didn’t know,” he says, softly.

“It’s okay. It’s been years,” I say. “I want you to know. It’s taken some time, but it doesn’t hurt like it used to.” But as I hear the words, they don’t seem quite right. It’s more like I’ve learned how to live with the pain. I take a deep breath, remembering the last time I saw my mom and dad.

“What happened?” Miles asks gently.

“They were killed by a drunk driver. Just like that they were… gone.” Just saying the words makes my heart ache in my chest as though it could crack into a million tiny pieces at any moment.

“I’m so sorry,” he says with sincerity.

“After their deaths it was really hard.” I tell him the story that most people have never heard. I tell him how great my parents were, how much fun we used to have together, and the hard times that came for the rest of us when they were gone.

“I wouldn’t go to school. Or church. I stayed in my room. I missed them so much I didn’t know what to do.”

“I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you and your family. It’s not fair. I hate that you had to go through that.”

“I sort of just fell apart. My grandparents were drowning in their own grief and my brothers sort of went off the rails. They got into drinking, started skipping school and getting into trouble. They didn’t know any other way to deal with the pain. It was a really dark time, and I wasn’t sure how we were going to make it through.”

“But you did,” he says. “You are one of the strongest people I have ever met.” He sits up, gathering me in his arms. I straddle his waist and his strong hands grip my thighs. It’s like he knows exactly what to do and say to comfort me.

“I didn’t have a choice. I wanted to be strong for my grandparents. I wanted to be there for my brothers. I wanted to live. My parents would have wanted us to keep going. Yes, I was devastated, but after a year of grieving, I told myself I needed to get my joy back.”

“You were willing to try to live again.”

“I was.”

I find it so easy to talk to Miles, even about something as painful as this. I rest my forehead against his, knowing that there is still one thing I haven’t shared with him. I need to tell him I’m leaving at the end of filming. I’ve been avoiding it, trying to convince myself it doesn’t really matter. But it does, and now is as good a time as any to let him know. “I need to talk to you about something.”

He looks at me with a puzzled expression. “Okay. What is it?”

I take a breath, untangling myself from him and shifting to sit beside him on the couch. I face him, putting a little distance between us to give him the news. He shifts his body to face mine, one hand resting on my knee. “I’m moving back home when we wrap. To… Tennessee. It’s been the plan for a while. I knew this was going to be my last film. It’s time I go home and take care of my grandparents.”

He swallows. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“I’m sorry. I feel like you should know. I know this probably changes things between us and I understand if it does.”

He places his other hand on my knee, brushing his fingers over my skin. “Rylee, it doesn’t change a thing as far as I’m concerned. You’re not getting rid of me that easy,” he says. “Unless you feel differently, which I’m really fucking hoping isn’t the case.”

I stumble over my words, trying to find the right ones. “No, that’s not it, it’s just…” I breathe out. “I like where we’re at. I really like being with you.”

I can’t stop looking at Miles, in awe that this man is mine. Well, sort of mine. We haven’t really discussed it, but it really feels that way. I take in his deep hazel eyes, his golden skin, and wonder how I got so lucky. I don’t know why our paths crossed, but I’m thankful they did. I also can’t help but wonder how someone like him could want someone like me. It’s been such an emotional night, and I’m frustrated at not being able to find the right words and exhausted from revisiting the heartache of losing my parents. But I try to put those feeling aside, hoping that we can come to some sort of a conclusion about where we go from here.

“You matter to me. I want to keep seeing you.” His eyes soften. Miles gives me a small smile. “How are you feeling about moving back? You’ve been in L.A. for a while now. Are you ready for the change?”

Truthfully, I am worried. “I’m nervous about starting again – finding my own place and a job in a small town where the film industry doesn’t even exist. I worry about that a lot. I worry about my grandparents getting older too. I’ll miss my apartment in Los Angeles and living with Meg. And travelling around the world with Josh, which has been pretty amazing.”

“Well, now that I know what you’re worried about, I hope you’ll let me be there for you.”

My pulse quickens. I have never been with a man who cares as much as Miles does. “I will,” I tell him, and I mean it.

He leans in, threading his hands through my hair, taking my mouth with his. My whole body melts as his lips brush over mine.

“Fuck, Rylee… what are you doing to me? I know you have to go, but I really wish you didn’t.”

Miles and I just look at each other. There were no words that will solve this for us. I know that I’m crazy to continue seeing a man when there’s no hope for a future. I lick my lips, tasting him, remembering the way he just kissed me, wishing I could kiss him like that forever.

“Want to watch a movie?”

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