Page 33 of Wildest Desire

“But he agreed?” Dan looks at me in shock.

“He fucking agreed! Can you believe he played my game against me?” I say as our food is being served to us. Dan knows me well enough to know to order me a burger. “And then, when I signed and was about to leave, you will never guess what he whispered in my ear.” I look at them both as I take a bite of my burger.

“That you’re sexy and he will bend you over and spank you?” Jon asks, making me laugh. Dan shakes his head because only Jon would think of that.

“No. He said,‘You might not be able to give me any sexual favors, but it says nothing about me giving them to you.’” I stop as they both look at me with their mouths open.

“No. He. Didn’t,” Jon says slowly.

“You’ve had sex with him,” Dan adds.

“I had a lot of wine, and-and, the way he kisses my neck… I mean, if he did that alone, I know I would—”

“I get the picture.” Dan stops me. We have always been open with each other about things, so talking to him like this is nothing new for us.

"I sent Ms. Jackie an email to end the contract. I can't risk getting too close to him," I tell them both.

“Do you…like Ethan?” Jon asks.

Jon is like my brother. He and Dan have been dating for close to nine years now. I can talk to him the same way I talk to Dan.

“No, I still say he’s an asshole.” I take another bite of my burger as they look at each other. Even though they aren’t saying anything, their looks are speaking volumes. I know they're thinking something. “I won’t let anyone else get hurt because he thought I was too close to someone,” I tell them both. I can’t have the guilt hanging over me. I still feel guilty from before. I always try to stay happy and tell myself it wasn’t my fault, but that doesn’t mean I don’t blame myself.

“Okay, we understand—you know that. So, what about him? What’s happening?”

“I don’t know yet. I don’t want to leave and start all over again, but I don’t want him to get me either,” I say, dipping some fries into the sauce. “The house has a new alarm system in place, so if anyone breaks in, I’ll know about it. It’s connected to my phone. Plus, I check in with Ms. Jackie every two hours. I’ll call you every morning and every night before I go to sleep. What else can I do?”

I can’t move again. I can’t run again. I don’t have it in me to start over again.

“Do you want us to stay over?” The big brother voice is on today.

I smile at him. “I would love you to stay, but I won’t risk it. If he’s the same as before, he won’t kill me,” I say, quietly.

“Lexi, I would feel better if we were there.” Dan takes hold of my hand. “You know I’m a worrier,” he says kissing my hand.

“And you know that if anything happened to you, I would never in a million years forgive myself,” I tell him.

He’s my only family and I can’t lose him. Our mother died when I when I was five, and our dad, he died trying to protect his daughter from this scumbag. I won’t let him take another person from me.

Dan and Jon both look at me, and they know I won’t back down. They know how much I’m dying on the inside, and how I still blame myself.

“I want a phone call the same time you call Jackie, and if you don’t, I’ll be staying at your house, and I won’t leave.” Dan points his finger at me.

Moving closer to him, I kiss him on the cheek. “I know you will, and I know you’ll worry and I know that you love me,” I tell him.

I know what he’s like. He means every word he said, and once he moves in, he won’t ever move out.

* * *

After dinner, we went to a bar. I didn’t want to go home just yet, so the bar seemed like the best place to go. I called some girls to see if they were around, but wasn’t surprised they were all with clients. I miss going away with clients, of traveling around the country; seeing new places. I miss dressing up to go to an event.

Once all this mess is finally over, I'm telling Ms. Jackie that I want all my clients back. I can't wait to get back to work.

As soon as the taxi pulled up, Dan told the driver not to leave until I was safely inside the house.

I pay the driver after he stops the car in front of my house. Walking up the stairs, the drivers stays where he is as I open the door. Turning the alarm off, I give the driver a wave letting him know he can leave, then take my phone out and call Dan.

“I’m home. Just turned the alarm off,” I tell him as I take my shoes off, placing them on the side.

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