Page 74 of Molly

When I got home last night, the girls sat on either side of me while I cried. When I was done, they took me to bed and climbed in with me, the three of us falling asleep almost instantly.

They’ve taken Em to work with them today so that I can sit here, in my pyjamas, and throw myself a pity party. I’m drinking Moscato from the bottle and watching the Notebook. Cliché, but it helps. I didn’t realise a broken heart was a literal thing until now. Everything hurts.

God, why did I let myself get into this position?

A knock at the door startles me, and I reluctantly get up. I drag my feet the whole way there and open it without looking through the peephole.

Ryan.

He looks horrible. His eyes are red and puff, his hair is a tangled mess, and he’s shifting around nervously, staring at his feet.

“What are you doing here?” I ask quietly.

“We need to talk, Mol,” he whispers, eyes still on the ground.

“There’s nothing to talk about. It’s over,” I reply, biting my bottom lip as I feel it quiver.

He shakes his head, lifting his gaze to me. “Please, just listen. Let me explain.”

I want to tell him to leave, but I know this conversation will need to be had at some point, so we may as well have it out now. I lean against the door frame, wine bottle in hand, and gesture for him to go ahead.

“I went home to have a shower, baby. I was going to get dressed and come to you. I wanted to see you, wanted to talk. When I came out of the shower, she was there, in my bed. I didn’t tell her to come. She’s fucking crazy, Molly. Delusional. I would never cheat on you. It kills me that you think I would.”

“I told you from the start what she wanted, what she was like,” I say.

He nods sadly. “I know, I know you did.”

Honestly, I believe him. After replaying the scene in my head a hundred times over, it didn’t add up. I figured she rocked up there and attempted to seduce him. It doesn’t change the fact that our relationship is over, though. It has to be.

“Ryan.” I sigh. “The damage she caused at the start of this, I don’t think it can be repaired. I don’t trust you. I want to, so badly, but I don’t. I’m always going to wonder if you’re telling me the truth or if you’re hiding something to spare my feelings. I love you, fuck, I love you so much, but love just isn’t enough.” I stop, feeling my throat clog with emotion.

“Molly, please...” he pleads.

“Ryan!” I snap. “I have nothing left to give you. After the lying, the hiding, the pet names, and then all the shit that’s gone down in the past few days, I’m tapped out. I’ve got no more forgiveness in me. No more second chances. I don’t have any compassion or understanding left to throw your way. I’m done. I’m exhausted.Thisis fucking exhausting.” I wipe my face with one hand, trying to get rid of the tears that are now freely falling.“I don't like who I am right now. Our relationship has turned me into a jealous, untrusting cow. That's not who I am. It's not who I want to be.”I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. “This isn't meant to be this hard. I can't handle it. I have to think about Emma. I don't want her to see me like this.”I look down at myself and choke back a sob.“I don't want her to see me sitting on the couch, crying over a man, drinking my sorrows away. I have to be strong for her. Shehasto come first.”

“Shedoescome first, Molly.Always,”he says, taking a step forward cautiously.

I shake my head, slowly lift my eyes to his, and whisper, “What if she was with me yesterday, Ryan? What if she saw Jess, naked, in your bed? She worships the ground you walk on.”

He hangs his head, but not before I see the tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I am too,” I say quietly, feeling my bottom lip tremble.

“I'm not letting you go, Molly. I can't,” he rasps.

I shake my head. “You don't have a choice.”

He looks up at me, and his expression splits my heart in two. God, it would be so easy to just forgive him, to just pretend like none of this ever happened.

“I love you,” he whispers, his voice breaking.

“Not enough,” I choke out as I step back into the house and close the door, watching his face crumble before it clicks shut.

I leave my broken heart on the floor by his feet.

42

RYAN

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