Page 130 of Hell Hath No Fury
Wrapped around that grief is panic. It’s a huge, overwhelming thing, and I’m not sure how to get out from under it. It’s squeezing the life out of me. I’m so damned afraid that I’ll die that I’m going to send myself into oblivion.
“You could die, too, Charlotte. And I can’t—I can’t bring myself to plan for that. I know it’s possible. My parents died together. But I can’t. I don’t want to lose.”
She puts a hand on my face and turns me so that I’m looking into her eyes.
“We are not going to die early.”
I can’t breathe. My lungs have forgotten the basics. I’ve been spending all this time planning for an uncertain future, butsuddenly I can’t see how I’ll make it there myself. “You don’t know that.”
Charlotte shakes her head. “I can’t tell the future. You’re right. And it’s okay that you’re making plans and taking care of the paperwork. It’s good, even. It’s the right thing to do as a father who cares for his child. But you don’t have to be afraid.”
Her voice does something to me. It soothes the harsh edges of my fear. It puts the world in perspective. At times like this, the past seems close and dangerous, like it could repeat itself at any time. It could pull me back down to the darkest moments and make me live through them again.
“Why?” I swallow hard and force my breathing to steady. “Why don’t I have to be afraid? Why aren’tyouafraid?”
“I may not have a crystal ball.” Charlotte smiles, and it’s as bright as a new dawn. “But I have something better. Hope. Faith. And love. Hope for us, Mason. Faith in the two of us as parents and as husband and wife. And I love you. I love you so much that I’m not afraid.”
The fear lets go.
It feels like stepping into the sun after a long, cold winter. That’s what Charlotte’s love always feels like. Warmth where I didn’t expect it to be. Warmth and light and hope.
I pull her into my lap and hold her close. Closer. Charlotte sucks in a breath. “Oh my God, Mason, you have to let me breathe.”
She’s laughing.
“I love you, sweet thing. More than anything. Please tell me I didn’t—”
“Ruin this for me?”
“Yeah.”
Charlotte kisses me, deep and slow. “You could never ruin this for me. Do as much paperwork as you want. I’ll be right there with you.” She rests her head on my shoulder. “We’regoing to be so happy, Mason. This baby is going to be absolutely perfect.”
“The baby will take after you, then.”
My wife nuzzles my cheek. “The baby will take afterus.And he or she will get to know my favorite person in the world.”
I hold her in my arms. “Who’s that?”
“You.”
* * *
