I flip open my menu. “Oh, wow, lots of pasta dishes, too. I think I’ll go with one of those.”
She gives me an exasperated look, but I don’t care. If she’s going to pull this on me, you’d better bet I’m going to give her shit for it.
When our server comes, we all order, and Robert and Thomas start up some small talk. Mary Anne tells my mom all about the garden she’s planning on planting this summer, and Adam and I sit in uncomfortable silence.
I refuse to look at him, ignoring everyone once the food comes and diving into my cheesy plate of pasta.
It’s not until we’ve all finished that everyone starts glancing at me nervously. Robert takes a sip of his drink before tugging at his tie.
I sigh. “Let’s just get this over with. Lay it on me.”
My mom gives me a horrified look. “That’s no way to treat this! You need to drop the attitude. We’re trying to help you.”
I wave a hand around carelessly, slumping against the back of my chair. “So help.”
Thomas clears his throat. “Wren, we all think you’re confused. You and Adam were so happy together the last time we saw you. Talking about getting married and having kids, and you’d stay home and raise them—”
“As a woman should,” my mom mutters.
“—while Adam takes care of and provides for the family. He’s almost done with graduate school, and with Robert’s connections, he’s well on his way to a promising career.”
“Maybe I want a promising career.”
“Is there something wrong with staying home to raise children?” my mom snaps. “Honestly, Wren. I’m offended.”
“I never said there was. But maybe that’s not what I want.”
Do I even want kids? I’m not sure.
“Who’s putting these ideas in your head? Darling, you said you were excited to have children.”
I pause. My hands close into fists under the table. Once upon a time, I thought I was on board with marrying Adam and raising our kids. But before him, what I wanted was so different.
As I look at the concerned group around the table, I’m forced to face the realization I had yesterday. The one I’ve been avoiding. The one that terrifies me and has me so stupidly disappointed in myself at the same time.
Instead of staying true to myself and sticking with the future I dreamed up for myself, I abandoned it the second I got into a serious relationship. Even worse, I shaped myself into the woman Adam wanted and somehow fooled myself into thinking I was happy with that.
I wasted three years of my life. Three years.
And I completely abandoned myself in the process.
“Maybe you’re the ones who put ideas in my head,” I say under my breath.
“What?” my mom says.
“Nothing. Look, I’m still young, Mom. I have plenty of time to figure out my life.”
“You’re twenty-four! Who knows how long it’ll take you to find another man? Adam is here, and he loves you.”
“She’s already found three,” Adam murmurs, low enough that only I hear him.
For the first time since I sat down, I turn and look at him. The man who cheated on me. Who threw a mug at my head. Who made me feel undesirable. This is what I’m supposed to want?
My thoughts must be written all over my face, because Adam looks nervous as hell. With his free hand, he reaches out and touches my arm. I flinch.
“Wren, I know we weren’t perfect. I know I’m not perfect. But I love you, and I know you love me. We can work through our issues.”
“I don’t want to,” I say flatly.