Page 30 of Waiting for Her

Addison is alone in that operating room right now and the fact that I can’t do anything about it guts me. I want nothing more than to hold her hand, whisper in her ear that everything will be okay, when I know that’s up in the air right now. The sheer panic on her face as they wheeled her away is repeating itself over and over in my mind as I sit in this sterile smelling waiting room, wondering how long I’ll have to stare at the wall until the doctor comes through those glass doors and tells me that everything will be okay.

I meant what I said to Addison before she was led away. I did believe that everything would be fine, but right now, sitting with my head in my hands, I pray I was right. The idea that the universe finally brought her to me, only to yank her away before any of my dreams for us could come true just seems cruel. And no matter how many times I remind myself that these doctors are trained professionals, I can’t get that terrified gaze of hers out of my mind, and it’s driving me crazy.

“Well, you look like shit,” Drew mutters as he passes through the glass doors and sits next to me.

Mark is next, sitting on my other side, and for the first time, a sense of calm washes over me. As if prompted, Mark’s hand rests on my shoulder, pulling me toward him, and I go willingly. Being a twin has its drawbacks but right now I’m grateful that all I need to do is give him a look and he knows what I’m feeling. Mark knows me better than anyone and Drew is my best friend, so having both of them here right now settles something inside me.

“Thanks, I feel like shit too.”

Mark’s fingers grip the back of my neck and squeeze until our eyes meet again.

“What happened?” Drew asks, the panic clear in his voice as his eyes glance toward the sliding doors.

I didn’t explain much over the phone, just that Addison was in the hospital and that Drew needed to come as soon as possible. I didn’t have the words then, and to be honest, I don’t even think I have them now.

“I don’t even know how it happened. We were in bed and suddenly Addison felt this really sharp pain in her side. I didn’t think anything of it, equating it to false labor, but then it kept happening. It wasn’t until I went to help her out of bed that I saw the blood.”

Drew’s eyes bug out as all the color drains from his face.

“What did the doctor say?” His voice is guarded, reserved, as his fingers grip the tops of his knees.

“Something about her placenta detaching and that if they didn’t get the baby out, she could hemorrhage and risk both their lives.”

I don’t tell them about the grim look the doctor had when he told us the news, or the inherent risks with the surgery because that won’t help anyone right now.

“How long ago did they take her in?” Mark asks, his hand still on my neck as I sit back and stare at the white-tiled ceiling.

“An hour or so.” I close my eyes, willing the doctor to come into the room, yet knowing it’s way too soon.

The room is silent, none of us speaking a word for minutes on end because what is there to say?

All of a sudden, Drew clears his throat and launches himself out of his chair and begins to pace. “I can’t just sit here and wait in silence. I’ll go insane,” he mutters, his fingers tangling in his hair as his eyes dart toward the doors every few seconds. “Distract me.”

“With what?” Mark clips out, his eyes darting to me, silently asking if his attitude is getting to me.

I give him a slight shake of my head as I peer up at Addison’s brother, wondering what’s going through his mind right now. They only have each other, and the more I think about it, the more I realize just how panicked he must feel. Addison is all Drew has. Without her, he’s alone, the only member of his family left and I don’t know what will happen to him if he loses her.

“I don’t know. Talk to me about something other than the fact that my sister is in surgery right now.”

They both look at me, waiting for me to say something but I just shrug, coming up blank.

“Wasn’t today the day you were proposing?” Drew says and I take a breath, trying to keep the tears at bay.

I went into today with so much hope for our future, and the truth is that even though she said no, that hope is more cemented now than it was when I asked her. Seeing her love for me when the fear was clear in her eyes, caused me to stop overthinking our relationship and start basking in it.

“She said no,” I admit, not wanting to pull any punches, and honestly, I agree with her.

It was too soon, and I jumped the gun. Even though she all but admitted that she does want to marry me, I know she’s not ready. Not yet anyway. I honestly believe that Addison was the only one of the two of us that had any sense at that moment, and I’m grateful to her for that.

“Seriously?” Drew says while Mark sits there with his mouth open, probably still coming to terms with the fact that I actually went through with it.

“Okay, I’m going to say this now since I didn’t when you told me, but you asked the girl you’ve been dating for a month to marry you? And she’s having someone else’s child and you’re just okay with it?”

A slight smirk crosses my face because I’ve been waiting for this comment from someone in our group, and the fact that it comes from my brother seems appropriate since we’ve never minced words with each other.

“First of all, Addison and I are more complicated than one month of dating, you know that. It’s been ten years in the making, so fuck off on that front. Two, the fact that the child is not mine biologically is irrelevant. That kid is my child, no matter what the bloodwork says.”

Mark holds up his hands in surrender, but I keep going.

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