Page 16 of Sweet Valentine

“There’s really nothing to tell,” he says, getting up from the couch and going into the kitchen. Naturally, I follow him. “My childhood was normal. Both parents were hard workers, Dad was an engineer, and Mom was a receptionist at a law firm.”

“Was?” I ask, noting the tone of his voice and the way his face fell when he brought it up.

“They died when I was eighteen. Car accident.” My stomach dips, and my heart stops. What would that have been like? Just becoming an adult, your whole life ahead of you, then your entire family…gone. When I put my hand on his chest, his heart starts beating a mile a minute, and I fight back the tears that threaten to fall.

“I’m so sorry, honey, that must have been hard.” He nods, getting a glass out of the cupboard and pouring some water from the fridge.

“It was, but it was a long time ago.” He leans against the island, glass in hand as he stares out the kitchen window. Everything in me tells me to ask him more. I want to know more about who his parents were, what happened after they died, if he still has any family around. But the faraway look in his eyes holds me back.

“Do you want kids?” he asks out of nowhere. His gaze is still trained out the window, and his body is tense. So tense that when my hand brushes against his arm, he flinches.

“Do you?” I repeat, trying to see what his angle is with that question. It’s kind of out of left field, and yet I’m curious about his answer. But the tone of his voice makes me nervous. He sounds mad, almost annoyed, a bit like no matter what I say, he won’t believe me.

“Do I want kids?” he asks. I give him a reassuring smile and nod. “Yes, I do,” he answers after a few seconds, and I can’t help the shit-eating grin that comes across my face because knowing that he wants exactly what I do makes me breathe easier.

“You never answered if you want them,” he says, and I wonder what he expects me to say…or what he’s prepared himself for me to say.

He’s still avoiding my gaze at any cost, so I take my hand and cup the side of his face, forcing his eyes to meet mine. “Of course, I want kids. I always had this dream of bringing them to the bakery and having them bake things with me.” I notice him visibly deflate in front of me. Like a weight was lifted. I wonder what brought this on, but I decide to change the subject. “What about girlfriends? Anyone serious before me?” I wink at him as we make our way back into the living room.

“You don’t want to hear about that. It has nothing to do with us.” I cock my head to the side as we sit back down on the couch. My eyes never leave him, and I just stare as he goes back to watching a movie he doesn’t even like.

“What?” he asks, a small smile playing on his lips. Just like that, the tension is broken. He hauls me over so I’m plastered against his side. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you about my past, it’s just not something I want to talk about right now, okay?” The sinking feeling in my stomach rears its ugly head, and I know it won’t go away. Not until I figure out what he’s not telling me.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

It’s been a few days since our talk. I call it a fight in my head, but really, it was just Noah shutting down and refusing to open up about his past. Granted, he has a right to keep some things to himself. Yet the whole situation has me so apprehensive, I didn’t talk to him all day yesterday or at all this morning. He sent me a few small texts, but I didn’t respond, and with his schedule and mine, we just haven’t had the time to see each other. I look at my phone for the third time today and see another text from Noah.

Me: Val, can I come over and talk tonight? We need to chat about some stuff.

That’s it. The sinking feeling starts again, and I wonder what he wants to talk about. I reply that he can come over any time after eight, and then shut my phone off completely, not wanting to see or hear anything else for the rest of the day.

“Earth to Val.” Fingers snap in front of my eyes, and I’m brought out of my head. Mandy is standing there looking at me like I’m an alien brought back to Earth to fuck with her. “What is with you today?” she asks, taking a scone and shoving the whole thing into her mouth. I give her a look, and she shrugs, saying, “What?” with crumbs falling from her mouth.

“Nothing is with me today. I’m the same as I always am.” She shakes her head as she climbs up onto one of my prep tables that isn’t being used and sits down, legs dangling from the edge. I look at the clock and see that I have exactly one hour until we open. I need to move my ass if I want to see any customers today.

“You’re off. Usually, you’re just in dreamland and have been for the past few weeks, but today’s different. You seem tense and irritable.” She takes one of my rolling pins and tosses it into the air, watching it spin as she goes to catch it. I breathe a sigh of relief when it doesn’t fall to the floor, breaking my only spare.

“Can you give me that?” I say, heading in her direction and then forcefully grabbing it out of her hands. “You know I only have one spare…this one is not a toy!” I know I sound like her mom right now, but I’m on edge today, and obviously, Mandy can tell.

“Also, I’m not irritable.” Mandy raises an eyebrow at me, and I sigh. “Okay, maybe I am, but it’s not like I want to feel this way. Trust me, my baking suffers when I feel like crap.” I look at the room surrounding me, and I’m overwhelmed. There are baking sheets on every surface with cookies, croissants, butter tarts, muffins, cupcakes…anything you can think of. I should have gotten here earlier this morning, I know it. But I was up late last night, thinking about my conversation with Noah and what it means for us. We’ve only been seeing each other for about a month, but he’s crawled his way into my life. I can’t wake up without thinking about him, and I can’t go to sleep without talking to him first. I’ve never been this attached to someone this fast, and it scares me.

“What’s going on?” Mandy asks as she gets up and heads in my direction. She reaches me and then leans against the table, her arms crossed.

“I don’t know…” I say honestly. “It’s like I’m waiting for something to happen.” I go back to rolling up the croissants to avoid her gaze. Mandy is my best friend, she can sense my emotions before I do, so seeing what she thinks of my fears without really saying them aloud is going to be interesting.

“With you and Noah?” she asks, and I shrug. “It’s been a month, right?” I nod, still not saying anything. “Nothing happens in a month, Val. I mean, look what happened with Chris. It took years for that ball to drop.” She has a point, but what she doesn’t know is that I think the ball is falling, though it hasn’t hit the ground yet. That’s what I’m waiting for. The impending implosion.

“I just feel like he’s not being totally open about everything, you know?” She nods but gives me a smirk that tells me something sarcastic is going to fall from her lips.

“Well, he is a guy, you know? They don’t tend to be very open about their feelings.” I crack a smile because she’s right. Chris was the same, and it took me forever to get him to open up. I guess I was hoping this time would be different.

“I know, dumbass.” She sticks her tongue out at me as I finish off the croissants and bring them to the oven. “It’s just that when we talk about our pasts, he sort of avoids the subject altogether, you know? He’ll talk a little about his family, but it feels like he’s holding back.”

“Well, have you talked to him about your doubts?” I eye her. She knows that I haven’t, and that I probably won’t because I hate confrontation. “Of course, you haven’t. Well, I would give you my two cents, but you already know what they’re going to be.” I roll my eyes and head into the main part of the bakery. I go to the tables and clean them, then I go to the display case and clean that as best as I can before we open. “You can’t avoid this forever. It will bite you in the ass, then you’ll come crying to me when something bad happens, and you need a drink.”

“Urgh, I know, okay? I’ve tried to bring it up a few times, but he just shuts me down. Like ignored all questions having to do with his past, and I feel like a bitch when I push him. So, right now, I just need to get ready for the day and not think about the fact that my boyfriend might be a serial killer, and I’ll never know because I’m chickenshit.”

“Fine, but just so you know, you are chickenshit.” She kisses me on the cheek as she heads for the front door.

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