Page 27 of The B!tch List

“Said he had stuff to do,” Carter responded. “Speaking of.”

He raised a brow at Bronte and held up five fingers making Bronte giggle. Ellie’s head swung around and she gasped before grabbing ahold of Hunter’s arm and tugging on it. I smiled, fully expectant of some sort of madness to follow.

“Babe, what the hell.” He grimaced and pulled away from her. “That hurts.”

“That didn’t hurt,” she protested. “But what will hurt is your blue balls if you don’t get me pregnant beforethem.Theyare leaving in five minutes to have baby making sex and we cannot let them get ahead ofourschedule.”

I was right the madness was about to begin. Not for the first time though I was glad I had them and their crazy in my life. They’d certainly distracted me when Minnesota dumped my ass.

Carter burst out laughing and I swung my gaze to him as he said, “You ever think his swimmers might be, kinda like, drowning rather than front crawling toward the finishing line known as your eggs.”

“For fuck’s sake Carter.” Hunter slapped him around his head. “Do not talk about my swimmers not being viable and certainly do not talk about your sister’s,my wife’s,lady parts.”

“Well, you haven’t got her pregnant yet. How long you been trying?”

It wasn’t enough that Bronte and Ellie were in competition, Carter and Hunter were going to join in too. Turning to Hunter, it occurred to me that it was like watching a mixed-doubles tennis match.

“Not long.” Hunter pouted in response to Carter. “A few weeks.”

Carter tapped his bottle against Hunter’s. “You do remember that I put a baby in Bronte’s belly just the one time of skinny dipping in the pool of pleasure.”

Bronte groaned. “Really?”

“Lollipop, come on, you know it’s true.”

“I know you’re a dipshit,” Hunter replied. “Talking about my spunk like that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with his swimmers anyway,” Ellie added, poking Carter in the shoulder. “I know for sure that he has a lot and they’re very strong. I’ve seen them under the microscope. Dr. Peterson let me look.”

“When the fuck did you do that?” Hunter asked, as he reared back to look at her.

We all turned to look at Ellie who was sporting a wary smile.

“Did you—?”

Surely she hadn’t! Had she? By the look on her face, I knew she had, and I cringed second guessing my joy at being part of this mad inner circle.

“Oh shit,” I muttered.

“Yes, baby I did. I needed to know if we were up against any problems.”

I started to laugh as Hunter’s face morphed into a picture of horror. His eyes were wide, and his mouth dropped into a perfect O as he gasped loudly.

“So when you ran out of the bedroom with your mouth full, it wasn’t like you said, because it tasted of beef jerky?”

“Hunt’ you asshole,” Carter cried. “I don’t want to know about my sister and what she does with your jizz.”

“Oh my God, Ellie.” I grabbed a hold of the table to steady myself as I was laughing so hard. “You didn’t.”

She put her hands to her hips and glared at Hunter. “You wouldn’t beat off into a cup, what was I supposed to do?”

“You were supposed to give me longer than a week to knock you up, Ellie. That’s what.”

“Doesn’t mean they’re any good just because the doctor said they are,” Carter said. “I mean having them in your mouth must have contaminated them.”

“I brush not only my teeth but my tongue too, you douche. Unlike you who Mom used to have to force into the bathroom.”

“Well, if you ask me,” Bronte said, taking a sip of her wine. “I think it’s a total waste of spunk. But I’m glad you’re good to go, Hunt’. That does mean though Carter that we need to get busy if we are to provide grandchild number two. Make those five minutes three and we are out of here.” She knocked back the rest of her wine and then tapped Carter’s watch. “The clock is ticking baby.”

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